A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping someone can give me some advice on how to change feelings of abandonment.For background, I was neglected and abused as a child and never felt like I belonged with my family. Both of my parents disowned their families as they became adults meaning that I never got to know any cousins etc. Now I've disowned my parents due to the abuse I've also lost contact with my brother (late 30's) as he still lives with our mother and doesn't want to cause arguments with her by staying in touch. I've tried to have contact with my father's side of the family but we're all different people who never spent any time together growing up, it didn't really work out.My husband and I have been married for 10 years and he has a very large, close family. They welcomed me to the family and are lovely people. Even after all this time I still think of them all as 'his family'. I find myself arguing and mentally pushing my husband away as if I expect him to walk out at any moment. I don't really understand why, maybe it's some sort of test? At any rate, I know that I need to change this behaviour for the sake of our marriage and our children but I have no idea how. I'm surrounded by amazing pepple yet I feel lonely, miserable and insecure. It's like one day they will all realise that they're better off without me and then they will leave too. If you have and insight or advice, please help. I don't want to pass these issues onto my children.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 February 2023):
 Get some help in dealing with your childhood trauma.
Pushing your husband away are you trying to sabotage your life? At some point, your husband COULD say, enough of this. And it would be on you.
" Even after all this time I still think of them all as 'his family'. "
I think that is kinda normal. Especially if you come fro ma messed up family dynamics yourself. So don't punish yourself Or them for that.
Get help - seek counseling. Childhood trauma doesn't just go away, you have to work on it, and work through it.
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