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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,Do you think it is alright to accuse someone if they recently started not coming home from work and coming home late when they have not done it before? What should I do stop accusing him until I get proof. Any advice on how to catch a cheater if in fact he is cheating? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Hey I've been in a similar situatin - meaning that I always did not trust this guy i used to see ( have a look at my posted question and see what I've done! that was a bit too exptreme, I know that myself, but i suppose you dont have to go all the way like me. Or else, another bit of reassurance for you is that there are other women out there who are asking the same questions you are asking and hell, being devillish a little when it's needed it does serve a good purpose..
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Hide a voice activated recorder under the seat of his car. If he is talking on his cell you should be able to catch a least his side of the conversation. As well you can goto radio shack or any electronic shop and buy an attachment for the voice recorder that will allow it to record your home phone line. Its easy and cheap and will provide you peace of mind. If you don't catch him in a couple of weeks of doing this, then I'd say he is not doing anything and then stop recording him because its not nice to do it when the guy is innocent.
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reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Eve, are you a private eye by any chance? Those are brilliant suggestions I have to say! But turns out snooping is such a big deal these days (not for me thankfully, me and my partner are totally open so never have to worry about that!) but screw it, if he feels like he's been snooped upon, tell him not to give you reasons to snoop then
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reader, kenny +, writes (26 February 2007):
 I think you are assuming the worst possible case scenario before its even happened.
Ok so he has been coming home late from work some evenings, maybe he stopped for a drink with some pals on his way home.
Has something else happened that you haven't mentioned other than him getting home late from work?. Is he less loving torwards you, abit despondant. Have you found emails texts, letters, lipstick on his collar?.
give him the benefit of the doubt, you maybe jumping the gun abit.
good luck x
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reader, AskEve +, writes (26 February 2007):
 Okay, here are some tips for you from me -
One way to tell if he's cheating is to CATCH HIM LYING. You can FOLLOW HIS EYE MOVEMENTS to see if he is lying. ASK MORE QUESTIONS if he looks uncomfortable or uneasy. If he tries to create stories out of nothing and doesn't try to LOOK at you while speaking then the possibility is there that he IS cheating.
Partners who are cheating are often guilty of their actions. They will apologise over small mistakes and go out of their way to make you happy or feel pampered. He will also start showing less interest in you and will want to spend more time alone, so SUGGEST GOING WITH HIM when he goes out, even if it's just a short trip, tell him you need the fresh air (and watch his face!).
Is he still being intimate with you or has this got less? Is he always tired or making excuses that he's tired? If this part of your life has lessened then this alone is a good indication he may be cheating.
When your partner is away frequently then CALL HIM on his phone to see if it's busy or turned off. If it does ring out, then hang up before he answers, you know his phone's on or not busy and that was the main reason for you calling. (You can withold your number easily at these times so make sure and do that first so he doesn't get suspicious that it's you.) But make sure the number's NOT witheld when you genuinely do need to call him as it will register on his phone as being witheld or not! (You've got to be one step ahead of him all the time).
Also CHECK CLOSETS AND SHIRT POCKETS to look for any scribbled-down phone numbers or meeting places. CHECK HIS TROUSERS TOO. If you find an unknown number then call it and see who picks up. If it's not a familiar voice then ask questions to learn where they live and who they are. If you can, CHECK HIS CELL PHONE if he leaves it lying around then do so and check the phonebook (If it's not locked - which is another sign of course). Jot down all suspicious numbers and call them and notice the tone of the other person when she picks up the phone. Think carefully what you're going to say but DON'T tell her who you are at this point!
When he comes in go up and GIVE HIM A KISS immediately and SMELL HIMI to see if there is a "woman's smell" lingering somewhere, perfume is the giveaway here. Even CHECK HIS SMALLS for 'signs'!!! Watch carefully when he arrives home, does he always seem to head to the shower immediately?
Another way to catch him is to FOLLOW HIM IN A CAR. See where he goes, what he buys and who he meets. (Take a friend along with you for moral support and use their car). If you can, try to SHOW UP SUDDENLY somewhere and be surprised to see your partner there. (Friend stays in the car of course). Notice his reaction. If he is happy to see you then there's nothing to worry about. If, however, he looks flustered or worried and wide-eyed, then he is surely hiding something. Ask him questions to clarify things a bit.
If nothing seems to work, go back and carry on with your investigation till you come up with something solid. Confront him ONLY when you have enough evidence against him and then decide what should be done next. If you keep on his case and he IS guilty, he WILL slip up, it's only a matter of time.
If, after a time and you still can't prove it then the last thing to try would be to hire a private investigator. They will certainly be able to come up with evidence but it can be costly and only used as a last resort.
Isn't all this is a bit devious....? Yes... but you'd never do it if you didn't have good cause to. Cheating on a partner breaks every rule in the book between you. It is a sign that the relationship is not going well and is in trouble and THAT is what the roaming partner should be addressing and working on, NOT running into the arms of another as this solves nothing, only escalates and makes the problem much worse!
Eve
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