A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I've determined that I am way too nice of a guy. The bottom line is I felt terrible for this woman I met. Her ex husband treated her like shit and cheated on her. Well I fell for her. With me being the nice guy I am I was there to comfort her and make her feel better. unbeknownst to me was the fact that she was using me to make herself feel better and also used me and her kids to piss him off. She would do stuff liek suggest we have dinner all 4 of us before she would drop her daughters off at his house. We all spent Christmas together. Your typical family stuff. Then she found the next best thing and cheated on me with him and then dumped me 3 days after Valentines Day when she was sure things were going to fly with him. Then tried to get me to break up with her so she could go running to all of her friends. I refused and made her break up with me. I want to call her out on it. I have cut all ties with her. What do I do to call her out on it now? I need some thoughts. If you look at my last two previous questions you'll see what I am talking about.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): Umm dude, she was married so what exactly did you expect...right or wrong, you shouldn't take the moral high road here. You found out what type of a person she is, so my advice is let her go, ultimately her behavior wont make her happy. No need to call her out on anything, let her go and find someone who's not married and build from there. Good luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 April 2011):
 While I understand your frustration and disappointment , I don't think calling her out on her deception will be of any utility. Engaging in a battle of wits with her would just fuel your bitterness and nothing more.
If you accuse her of having used you, she would probably just say " No you are wrong, I was in good faith then I realized it was not working out for me ". And if you insist, she will just shrug it off with a " whatever ". She does not need you to have a good opinion about her- and I suppose she could not care less.
Also, I don't want to sound too cynical, but this is a case of " buyer beware ". You can't have reached your age without having realized that not all people say the truth all the time. No need for an excess of paranoia- just for keeping ears and eyes open and reading the signs .
Here there were at least 2 , if not red, pink flags.
No woman who is romantically interested in you will cry on your shoulder over another man- that's like saying that her heart is still taken, and that's not the message she 'll give you if she wants you. It may be that YOU decided you wanted her while she was still into another man- nothing wrong with that, but it puts you authomatically into a position of some vulnerability to possible manipulation.
Another thing is that I get the feeling she had you start
playing happy family very early on, and that may sound counterintuitive, but it's NOT what a woman does if she is serious about you. If she thinks long term, she'll check you out left right and center before introducing you to her kids. If this process is skipped, she may see you - and want her kids to see you- as a casual friend, who may be here today gone tomorrow ,no big deal.
In conclusion, let bygones be bygones and in future just be a little more cautious before giving your heart totally away.
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