A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I break up with someone that I've been with for over four years? we started dating when I was 16, I was a virgin when we met (he wasn't). I am 20 now, in University, and I have just about had it with him. I love him to death and I can't imagine my life without him BUT he has treated me badly...He's lied to me repeatedly throughout our relationship about hanging out with other girls, and watching porn, and thousands of other things... he has gotten other girls cell phone numbers and hung out with his ex behind my back... most of this was in the beginning (first couple years), but a few months ago he confessed to a bunch of other things he'd been hiding from me... I knew he WAS hiding things, I just didnt know what. It was more of the same... anyway, since he told me, I have been trying to work it out with him but I find that I am just too angry and hurt by everything that he's done. I cannot trust him again. It really breaks my heart to admit this because I have worked very hard the last few months to salvage our relationship. WE had a perfect friendship and a great bond but it's not enough... I can't be his girlfriend anymore, he has absolutely RUINED what we had. I've never had a serious relationship before and he has threatened to kill himself if I ever leave him so.. what is the best way to do it? What do i say? or should I try to make it work some more? I am not sure.
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female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Just do it. You have already made up your mind that you need to do it, so tell him that you are very sorry, you like him a lot but it's just not going to work between you and you need to move on.
If you start to go into the reasons with him, then it will just get into a messy argument. Keep it short, sharp, clean. If you can, do it face-to-face somewhere that other people are around but not close enough to hear you. Then turn and walk away from him.
Don't take any notice of threats that he would kill himself. It's rubbish. If you are really concerned that he might be serious then, as other replies have said, phone his mother and tell her.
You have to be strong - very strong. It's the only way to stop it becoming extremely uncomfortable indeed.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 April 2008):
 You can end it or you can just go for a temporary break. It may be easier on both of you if you just say it's just for awhile so you can sort yourselves out. However if you really see no future with this guy then end it. Ignore the suicide threat that's not your responsibility and it's most likely just hot air.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): if he lies to you all of the time then theres no point in you letting him treat you this way if hes got the guts to tell you lies and treat you like he does then hel have to just let you go im pretty confident that he wont kill himself hes just trying to black mail you as hes knows the way you feel about him and thinks he can say things like that so that he can have you under his control
do what you feel is right!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): I agree with phiatiger. I would add that you may want to talk to his mom alone and tell her what your planning on doing and that he spoke of suicide. Tell her your not sure if he is using it to make you feel guilty or whether he would, which she could watch out for.
I get the feeling he has a particular issue, and is testing you as to what he can and can't get away with. Just like raising young kids, they learn what they can and can't get away with. If this is his case, then you will have to be the tough mommy and put your foot down and tell him how it is going to be from now on. First, he needs to kneel when he first greets you .... kidding, but hopefully you understand where I'm going with this.
Take care!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): Anyone that uses suicide as a reason to keep someone has issues.....its blackmail so try not to let that influence your decission. If I were you I would end it, it has run its course, try to say that it was great while it lasted but he isnt the guy he made himself out to be. Explain how all those little lies that he told have built up over time and you just dont believe a word out of his mouth.
Good luck.Take care x
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