A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right then...I feel that my girlfriend of 15 months and I don't suit each other any more and should split up. She, as far as I am aware, doesn't believe there's anything wrong and she used to self-harm so I'm worried she'll blame herself. We're also in the same classes...There's another girl that I get on with a lot more and we have told each other that we're interested in each other. However, she's two years younger than me and since we go to a boarding school relations could be difficult.Also, for lots of fun, my girlfriend is coming over the week after next for a week and I don't know if I can face seeing her because of all this. As she lives such a long way away I can't just call it off.Since she's not actually done anything wrong I feel like shit...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, kittikat  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Ahhh, welcome to the wonderful world of relationships. Yes, you'll feel like shit, I think being the dumper rather than the dumpee is worse. It's all part of growing up and becoming a decent human being. You have to do it if you're not happy, it's not fair to either of you. It would be far more despicable to drag her along and let her feel the distance between you. As far as her self harm, hopefully she's getting help and on her way to recovery. Don't let her manipulate you into staying in the relationship by threating to hurt herself, that's not going to help her problems at all. A lot of people who cause themselves physical harm do it because they need/want that attention, you'd be giving her just what she wants and teaching her that by hurting herself she gets her way. You'd be reinforcing that self-destructive behavior, she needs to find a healthier way to cope. It's a good idea to let her parents know what you're planning so that they can keep an eye on her when you do break it off. I would definately do it before she takes the trip, no use in putting her or her family through that. Be firm and strong and tell her just what you said, you've grown apart. Don't let her argue with you about it and don't let the conversation turn into a blame game or mud-slinging affair. Just tell her you're sorry and that it's over, she'll try to suck you back in with tears and drama. That's what most of us girls do :-) but if you engage, it'll just get uglier. It hurts, but it's better than you both being miserable and living in a world of lies, right? Good luck, it's probably one of the hardest things in the world to do and sometimes there isn't a "right" way at all. Just be respectful and honest.
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