A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneWell my situation is i've ended up in a relationship that really doesn't satisfy me and i don't know if i should try to make it work or just get out of it as soon as I can. I am 23 and he is 26.I met a guy and he seemed nice, intelligent and interesting so i agreed to see him again. he said he wanted to be my boyfriend and I said I felt it was a bit soon as we'd only met recently and we should get to know each other more. I met him in another city so I really didn't want a long distance relationship unless i really felt something special so I wanted to see if i felt something before committing. My previous boyfriend had broken up with me 3 months before so i really didn't want to commit to something that i wasn't 100% sure about.He then started to tell people we were together and act like we were a couple and i felt uncomfortable with that but i didnt want to upset him so i tried to act normal (i know now this was a mistake).I told him that i didn't really want to commit to this until i felt sure about it and she said that was ok, we could be relaxed and try it and if i didn't feel happy he would understand, in person he really seemed to mean this so i accepted his request to be his girlfriend with the agreement if one of us didn't like the long distance we would respect their decision to break up and i felt more relaxed and started to feel happier and positive about it. he seemed really relaxed about it, said he knew long distance relationships usually break up but we could try it and see how we felt and whatever either of us decided would be respected by the other.Things were ok for a week or so, i felt happy.He then told me that he has been on depression medication for the last 2 years and suffers from anxiety problems because of ex girlfriends. This completely removed the relaxed feeling and the idea to take it slowly and see if there was something there as now i felt like i had no option but to make it work or he would suffer all these problems.when i was with him in person i felt maybe it could work but as soon as i'm back in my city and we could only talk via messages or phone calls he started to demand more and more of my time, to the point were he seems sad if we talk for less than 5 hours a day and i feel bad about it. So i feel like i don't have time for myself but i worry about his depression and anxiety so i try to make him feel better.I am aware that the longer this goes on for, the more difficult it will become but i dont want to hurt him and that was one of the main reasons i really wanted to emphasise to him that i didnt want to commit to something only to not be happy because of the distance, but he really made me feel that he would be ok with giving this a try and if it didnt work he would understand.The distance isnt the main problem, its the fact he expects so much of my time every day. we have been together for 2 months now and i can say that i'm really not happy with this situation.I am aware that the logical solution is to break up, however i really would benefit from some advice as to how to break up with him in a way that will minimize the pain he feels.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): I would end things now as it is still early days in the relationship. I would simply say that it is not working for you as a relationship. Be kind and put it in a gentle way saying you like him or care about him but as a relationship it is not going forward. Don't be put off by any problems he may have as that will only delay the natural end of this and make it harder. So act now.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 July 2015):
 There is NO way for you to AVOID him feeling hurt. Sorry.
BUT the SOONER you tell him you don't think you are a good match, that a LDR is NOT what you are looking for OR that you don't feel ready to date any time soon - the BETTER. For you AND for him.
YOU are NOT responsible for his depression (neither is the ex gf, while she might have been a REALLY bad match for him etc. HE needs to NOT rely on a partner to "cure him" If you know what I'm saying?)
Wish him well, an then CUT the contact - DO NOT offer "friendship" that will only make him think that down the line he will have a chance. BETTER to make a clean cut.
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