A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice.My boyfriend is having a baby soon with another girl. i really want to befriend her but its very hard as she dislikes other women, and no doubtably dislikes me. how do i befriend her?I want our relationship to last but he will be seeing his child a lot and i think it would be easier if we got on.she has tried to break us up before..i believe now that she is only a month away from having his child, that i should try to get on very well with her if at all possible.how do i go about doing this??thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Wow, I am in the same identical situation as you, their child is due in one month and I haven't met her (partly my choice, and I doubt she'd do so willingly regardless). I have decided to wait before meeting her until after DNA tests have come in because she has been very inconsistent about things throughout the pregnancy (you never get the same story twice). And they weren't in a relationship when she became pregnant (nor were me and my boyfriend either, there was no cheating).To make meeting me "easier", because I would prefer she be comfortable with the idea of me being involved if it's his kid, I had bought her a gift for her baby shower, but the shower was cancelled last minute so I will send these to her after the baby is born with a kind card saying how I realise this may not be how we'd all like for things to be, but that the child is a blessing and I hope we can all be mature and do what is in the best of interest of the child.They went to a family counciler to discuss parenting and how to work with each other earlier in the pregnancy and I was thinking that may be the place to meet her - it's common ground for her, and someone can mediate if she gets upset or nasty.But everything in time. Really, she has a lot to deal with right now, and even more so after the child is born and they both get used to visitation and new lifestyles. I don't need to add stress to that, it isn't fair and if I was her, I wouldn't want that. I trust my boyfriend completely with her and I also know he wants to involve me, and I have no doubt within the first month or two I will be. There is time, no need to rush befriending her.But I don't ever expect to be a "friend" with her - frankly I have little respect for her lifestyle and past choices, but I will treat her civilily and with kindness and will gladly help out when asked. In time we can perhaps be more friendly, but probably not.Maybe, lower your expectations about being friends with her...and settle with being civil and mature co-parents instead.
A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (5 July 2007):
 You should be able to have a civil converstaion without befriending her just through being polite and having repect for another human being. If you don't want to be friends then leave it be for now. Get a card when the babies born.
Have a chat with your boyfriend about this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2007): no i dont want to be best friends but be able to hold a conversation with the girl you know? and actually you are very right....im very worried..
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (4 July 2007):
 Is the only reason you want to befriend her, because you are worried now the time has nearly come for the baby to be born, that he might want to try again, or maybe if you are friends with her you can always be there when they are together so you feel more secure?
Obviously this is me looking at it as an outsider but i really can't think of any other reason why you would want to become close friends with one of your boyfriends ex's, other than what i have listed above.
Please tell me if i'm way off the mark.
Take care.xx.
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