A
female
age
30-35,
*arenival
writes:i am a jealous person, but i feel like there are rational explanations for it. i do trust my bf, but i'm just iffy about a lot of girls he hangs out with. like, my first impressions of them would not be the greatest, even before i knew they were friends with him. like this one girl used to like my bf, and now he's going to the movies with her. he tells me its alright because she likes another guy, so idk why im jealous. he does the movie+dinner thing with girls a lot, which i let him, but i can't get over the fact that i get jealous over it! we just got over a break, and i am already kind of angry over this. how do i become more secure, or do i have a right to question these girls? none have actually shown an interest other than what he tells me, so i know i'm irrational. but i just get angry when he talks about other girls!
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (10 February 2009):
 Hi, I agree with what basschick has said. Why are you jealous? It seems to me that there is more mistrust than jealousy, you don't quite know what to make of this situation. I know I wouldn't. He goes to the movies with this girl and then what, she goes home, he goes home? How does that work? Put it in perspective, these are supposed to be innocent dates, but they are dates between a guy and a girl, what is the other girl thinking? Too many questions here, why not cool it with him and go your own way, he is not ready for a mutual relationship, he wants variety wrapped up as something else. To be secure you have to believe in yourself and see the goodness of you.
Then even if things don't work out with a man, you will know that it was incompatibility, not anything that was wrong with you. Confidence gives you security, that security removes the jealousy. Some jealousy is human, but lots of it, is unhealthy. Go to: www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 if you would and look for the title "Finding Your Core". This article may help you a bit with your feelings, be your own best friend and love yourself. It will get better, first find a guy who repsects women and is not full of himself and who tries to get away with as much as he can. Take care.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 February 2009):
 You and your b/f are pretty young but you need to sit down and determine if you both want the same thing out of this relationship. What I hear, is that you want him to be exclusive and committed to his relationsihp to you. And your boyfriend seems to want to play the field and see which woman he really wants to be with. He's spending time with these other girls, mascarading it as a "friendship" so you won't be suspicious about his real motives or theirs. He's not ready to settle down in my opinion and you are. You're on different planes both emotionally and romantically and things are never going to improve for you until you both want the same thing. It's not really about jealousy, it's about respect and committment. He is giving you neither one and making you feel guilty for your feelings. Women are territorial by nature and we're keen on sniffing out the motives of a competitor or enemy in the camp. Don't ridicule yourself for what he's doing to your head. He may not be the one for you. He's a player. Good luck.
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