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anonymous
writes: I am a 35 year old man dating a younger woman who movedin with me when she and her sister had an argument this was only supposed to be temporary. She has had a problem finding a job and it has been a year now. We have had arguments and she went to her sisters house. I don't like emotional situations and all of the crying episodes. I am now feeling obligated she is always with me, she cant seem to do anything or get anywhere unless I take her and our personalities clash. She has constant mood swings and she is home all day either sleeping or on the phone while I am out working. She wants to get married...I don't want to marry her, she wants a baby, I already have three kids I don't want that either. I don't like going to her family's house it is very uncomfortable her mother and sister are always angry and I don't think the apple falls far from the tree. I can see some of that in her too. How do I ask her to move out without getting into a big argument? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2005): You sound like a sexist ass and you would be doing this "girl" a favor by just telling her to leave. Write her a note and go away for the weekend if you do not have the emotional or mental integrity to tell her in person. In the future, think how you might learn from this experience, I am sure you have contributed to some of her "emotional behavior".
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 January 2005):
 Whatever else you do, you must not marry this woman! If you think you're unhappy now, just wait until she's married to you for all time, with no thought of a job in her mind and no reason whatsoever to mend her ways. Then if she decides to surprise you with a baby or two, it will only aggravate the problem.You have been making it far too easy for this woman to take advantage of you. From your description, you have been walking away from the problems that she is causing, in the interests of not causing a fuss, but what she is seeing is that if she sulks and cries enough, she will get her way. You don't say how old she is, but I'm guessing quite young, perhaps 19 or 20. Your refusal to face the problem that you have created by letting her stay is only going to get bigger until you address it and insist she leave.There is probably no way that you're going to avoid an argument, but you have to get her to move out. The two of you have established a pattern that involves her crying and the two of you arguing until you give in, so she will undoubtably cry and argue with you. Bite your tongue, stand your ground and think of it as the last argument you will have to have with her.You need to approach her -soon!- and tell her that the arrangement that you have had for the last year is not working out for you. Tell her that you are sorry that she hasn't been able to find a job, but that it's not your problem. You should remind her (she will already know) that the two of you often have personality clashes and you no longer enjoy each other's company. Explain that the things she wants, marriage and babies, are not something that you can give her. Then give her a date to move out. You have to stick by it and ignore weeping and threats. Don't budge an inch. She can move to her mother's, she can stay at a motel, she can find a room or stay with a friend if she must, but as a legal adult she's responsible for herself. Remember: You are not her daddy. Don't forget that your local police can help you if she refuses to leave. You don't have to have her arrested; simply explain to them that there's a person on your premises who won't go, and they will come and escort her away. Once she's gone, have your locks changed and get a new phone number. This woman sounds like really bad news and you'll be well rid of her.Start now and it will be over sooner!Good luck.
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A reader, Wise Worm, writes (6 January 2005): Are you sexually involved with her???She is not your resposibility! She has got family!
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