A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is so embarrassing, but I need to find a really tactful way and the right words as to not embarrass my man.His toilet hygeine is horrible!!! There are constantly "skid marks" and not faint mind you, as if he didn't wipe like a kid skid marks, in his underwear, almost daily. To the point, they don't even come out in the laundry. I am almost daily cleaning the toilet because of what he leave behind and I really can't stand it anymore. I have to wonder sometimes, who raised this man? I remember a few years back when we first started dating, noticing that after he used the bathroom he didn't really wash his hands...now I did call him out on that one and told him, you are not touching me with those hands until you wash them, and he would say he did, and I would say, turning on the water and running your hand under it for a second is not washing your hands. I'm thinking, what are you 2 years old? Yuck.He showers daily, sometimes more when he needs to, well groomed face/hair, teeth, fingernails, toes, he even manscapes....so why is this not part of a normal hygeine routine? Could he have a bowel problem or something?Now, this probably wouldn't bother me as much (oh who am I kidding, it bothers me lol) if he showered and was clean.....but often it seems we start getting into it, having sex...take a break, get a drink...he's in the toilet for a while, obvious what he's doing, so now he's not clean again and we both want to get back to what we were doing, and I really don't want to be near that area because of this.It's just seriously turning me off sexually, and I limit my "exploration of him" because of it, and we have sex just about every night while putting it out of my head. It's just not working so well anymore.I put a lot of effort into my hygeine normally, but especially because we are so sexually active, so this is hard for me to grasp that he doesn't do the same in this particular area.How would you approach this and what are the right things I could say because most of the time I am just too blunt and I think this should be handled a little bit more tactfully.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Or be nicely honest. "Babe, I don't want to be nasty but I am a bit freaked out at how much staining you have going on in your shorts. I've ignored the problem for a while but you have to do a better job of cleaning yourself. I've put in some wipes in the toilets, please use them. We've talked about this with the hand washing."Also, at his age, if it's in the same age range as yours, it's time for his colonoscopy. Get that set up and talk with the doc doing the procedure. "Hey, he's got some issues in the keeping clean area, could there be a physical aspect to this?Not to alarm you, but this type of hygiene issue may be a sign of a medical issue. Get him to the doctor's ASAP, he could be 'forgetting' to wipe because he has some impairment or a hidden condition.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
Leave a line of his soiled shorts with the 'tracks' front and center and a large bottle of stain remover next to them on the tub edge, so that he can't fail to see them when he goes in to use the toilet. Earlier in the day, you will tell him that you are doing the laundry as usual and then you find some reason that you can't be home when he comes home.
Text him or call him and say "Sorry I didn't get the laundry done but there were some weird stains on your shorts I couldn't figure out. Maybe you can deal with them? Thanks babe, you're the best!"
Make sure you have a whole weeks worth of the soiled undies and that they are right there, front and center, in a way that he can't miss.
If he keeps it up after this graphic reminder, throw away the soiled undies. If he wonders where his undies are, tell him that you couldn't remove the feces and had to pitch them. When he is down to a pair or two, maybe he'll get the message. Don't do the 'save' thing and try to fix it for him. Let him experience the problem. If he leaves tracks in his pants, leave them out on the tub with the stain remover next to them. If he continues with it, simply bag his trousers and leave a note on them: "Babe, there are some nasty brown stains in the back side area. Do you want to throw these away or take them to the dry cleaner? The stains are too much for me to deal with, so you have to decide how to handle the problem. Thanks, you're the best! ;)"
If he goes off to the bathroom and comes back with feces on his backside, just say, "Babe, there's brown gunk back there, you must have missed a spot. Go use the wipes I bought you." If he doesn't, stop the love-making.
Maybe you're trying to be too nice. Maybe a little dose of embarrassment will help him remember to wipe.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Is he a particularly large man? It sounds as if he has a problem getting his crack clean.
There's a few ways to attack this:
As far as washing his hands, I'd leave a nail brush in there (I can't stand men with dirty nails) and tell him to spend at least 30 seconds washing his hands with warm-hot water.
I would buy bum wipes and show him them, and explain they do a better job than regular TP. This is a understated way to go about it.
Also, toss out the skidded underwear and purchase him new ones.
Now if none of that works, then you need to be honest with him. Let him know it's a major turn off and that he needs to start bettering his toilet hygiene regimen. His lack of hygiene in that particular area is really starting to affect the relationship, and he needs to be made aware of it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 I am not sure how you can handle this without offending him if I am honest. Maybe he does have a bowel problem who knows. If it is left to you to clean the toilet every day well then just ask him to clean it as well. Instead of bringing it up that he always leaves a mess. Just tell him he needs to do his fair share of the cleaning as well. Same goes for the laundry. If it bothers you then don't wash his underwear. If it is effecting your sex life then why not just buy some hand sanitizer for the bedroom and ask him to use it before you get on with things. This might put your mind at ease.
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A
male
reader, Mazbe  +, writes (25 April 2012):
Hey am not good in English , but i will try to share what i think might help, if there will be somewhere you will not understand feel free to ask .Ok i think you should tell him that you have this idea that you want both of you to write down some TOP 5 POSITIVE things that honestly you like from one another, you give him a piece of paper and you take one, you can say this on Friday and say lets exchange the answers on Sunday evening... after exchanging the answers you ask him to sit down and you both read one by one and discuss it a bit .... After this you say oh now next week lets write the NEGATIVE things.. But remember to start with POSITIVE THINGS this way you will be building him to not think that you are targeting him with that particular issue ..... so here is where you will put all the negative things that bothers you about him .. and remember to discuss them one by one as you did to the POSITIVE and end up with a Hug , kisses and even sex if the mood allows ...Remember to let him know that all this POSITIVE and NEGATIVE thing was a Buildup to your relationship and make him to understand that the NEGATIVES on BOTH sides needs to be taken SERIOUS and Must be CHANGED and not like it was a waste of time .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2012): Well if it is a sexual turn off tell him about it. But to be more tactfull buy him new underware and only have wipes in the bathroom. What he is doing is hes probably rushing and wants to get back to you as soon as possible so just tell him that your not going anywhere and that the cleaner he is the better your sex is going to be.
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