A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:In the 3 years we have been together my GF has been slowly letting herself go physically to the point where I no longer find her attractive.When we met in college, she was more physically active on a daily basis but now she has an office job where she just sits around all day.She complains about her body, but doesn't do anything about it consistently. I've tried to help both diet wise and activity-wise but she never really sticks with anything for more than a month. Basically, the issue is as soon as she starts to loose weight, her breasts (the one part of her body she feels good about) get smaller and so she stops, regains the weight and then some and keeps having poor body image. . . rinse and repeat.I feel like I can't push the issue without her getting angry. Can't point out that the salad we bought for her is rotting in the fridge while she eats cookies instead for lunch "because it's easier". Can't ask her to join me for my jog in the mornings anymore either apparently.I just feel like it's a losing battle at this point. If she can't be active in her mid 20s then how is she going to look later in life? What impact would that have on our potential kids? our sex life?I guess I'm wondering how I can communicate my feelings about the issue (which is obviously a sensitive issue) in a constructive way because I'm finally at my breaking point and don't want to be in a relationship with a person I don't find attractive.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): apologize for hurting her feelings, tell her you love her no matter what but that she's overweight and that is affecting her health, her confidence, but say you can help her, give her a gym membership offer to go with her, and pinpoint how positively her weigh loss will be for her self esteem and your sex life. I think it won't help but, my brother was putting on weight, I just offered to pay him a gym membership and really motivated him to go everyday, he's slowly losing the weight now, but of course eating healthy is the most important
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2013):
 You might want to save this chat for when your girlfriend brings up the topic herself, which she will undoubtedly do before long since she often complains about her figure.
When she does, you could suggest the South Beach Diet (or some other low carbohydrate diet).
She will lose more weight by eating right than she will by working out. Intense, hour long sweat fests might not be her thing, and if so you and she can go for walks at night (the cover of darkness might provide her some extra security if she's that self conscious).
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (30 March 2013):
I think you should tell her the way you told us. Matter of fact and to the point. The 'nicer' and more circumlocutious you are about it, the more defensive and angry she will likely be.
No disrespect meant to those who have suggested it but I strongly urge you NOT to pay for a gym membership for her or assume any kind of responsibility for her getting in shape. Life is short and the last thing you need is the extra work and added expense. This is HER job, not yours. And she won't appreciate what she'll see as an attempt to control her.
Being in shape is not just about appearances. The outside is a reflection of the inside. If being trim, and all it represents, is important to you then you owe it to her and to yourself to be honest about that.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 March 2013):
 In my opinion, a guy can't "do" a darn thing to change the attitude and activities of a woman who is balooning in size, (and) who is griping about herself, and acknowledging that she is becoming less appealing because of that....
Soooo, reconcile to yourself that this girl is "who she is" and will continue to be NOT ONLY "who she is" but also, "who she will become" (in the future), and decide if you think you can live with that (the new "her"). If "no," then break now and save yourself the heartache and angst that you CAN enjoy while she does what she darn-well pleases, anyway..... Been there; done that.....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (30 March 2013):
Unfortunately you'll probably have to be relatively direct with her and you also have to do a lot of the work.
First you need to have a talk with her. Tell her that you're sorry if it hurts her feelings to bring this up and you wish you didn't have to, but you worry about her eating habits and sedentary lifestyle and the effect it'll have on the rest of your lives together. I'd even go so far as to tell her that it's affecting the way you feel about her. I wouldn't say you don't find her attractive, but imply that her letting herself godlike this is a turn off.
Then you get a gym membership if you don't have one and you make a schedule and GO. Try to find a gym with a lot of activities (Zumba, Yoga, etc) and plan around them. They'll help her remain interested.
Then, STOP BUYING JUNK FOOD. You should never have junk food in the house. If she wants some, she can make it herself from scratch. Buy snackable fruits and veggies and just make eating them part of the routine. If she fills up on good stuff there will be less room for the bad. Eat whole foods and, if it helps, make a schedule for food as well. Try to avoid cheese, bread and sugar.
When you create a routine you make her feel obligated to participate. Because basically, if she doesn't she's choosing to be fat. It can be more time consuming but you'll get that time back by having a longer and healthier life.
If you love her than doing this to try and help her shouldn't seem like a big deal. If she doesn't follow through then you shouldn't feel guilty about leaving her. You have the right to find the girl you're with attractive!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (30 March 2013):
YOU are right this is a very SENSITIVE ISSUE and must be handled in such a way that will not hurt your girl and get the required results.As you stated you are near breaking point this is not a happy place to be.So please for your relationship you will need to suggest to your girlfriend that she might need to see a counsellor and both of you go along.Maybe she is not well and not telling you.Try all avenues first before you make any final decision.I do understand how difficult it is on you and so far you have done your best so maybe a counsellor will be able to put a new light on the situation Kind Wishes Nora B.
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