A
female
age
36-40,
*nezka89
writes:I've only had one real relationship in my life that lasted 18 months, and it was clearly not even that great of a relationship since I made the mistake of accepting the position of OW. Long story short, I broke it off. It's been 2 years now and I haven't had a bf since. I am in school now and go to the gym and keep busy. I meet guys, and have liked some. It's harder at my age (30) since many of them are already married of have bfs so it's not easy. I don't think I'm undesirable since I did have a relationship for a while so there is hope. But I can't help but feel the opposite when I haven't had one since and every time I like a guy it turns out they were just flirting. So how do I go about getting my confidence back and being ok with the fact that I don't have a bf and go figure if I ever will again? I know relationships are not the be-all end-all but sometimes it's hard. I have a friend that meet guys and she's already sleeping with them instantly and goes through men like tissues. I don't get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): [EDIT]:
"Now about your past with men."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): Do you need a boyfriend for validation? You have to be comfortable and embrace with your independence; and not feel not having a boyfriend means some sort of failure. It's only a matter of time. Don't cite age as a factor as to when it ought to happen. Love comes when it's good and ready.
Face the modern realities. People don't commit easily; and that's because of their social media driven mentality, and the desensitization brought-on by technology.
Generally speaking; American-attitudes towards sex, commitment, and marriage are off-kilter!
People have little to go by to set examples for maintaining healthy relationships. They breakup too easily and frivolously. They write-off everything as "old-fashioned" or "archaic" about how to conduct relationships; and try to do it using devices!
Trying desperately to live life with no strings attached, selfishly, with an over-sized sense of entitlement; and avoiding the confinement and restrictions of commitment. Commitment demands a lot from you. To use emotion, expose your vulnerabilities, share, use verbal-communication, and to know how to interact with people in a human-way. We're out of touch! If cell phones were confiscated from the masses for a period of 24-hours; people would be jumping off rooftops!
People avoid commitment and responsibility; mainly because they are sick of being judged and criticized for not living-up to the expectations of needy insecure people who demand a lot. Almost justified; because these needy and demanding people don't always have that much to give in return. So life is fickle!
Continue to be open-minded, visible, and available.
Use your down-time when dates are rare for self-improvement. Not just the body, but the mind as well. Read everything you can get your hands on about relationships, self-improvement, and independence. Find some sort of faith to believe in! Oh, everyone's becoming an atheist. Then try something different, believe in something bigger than your arrogant-selves!
Pursue your dreams, and make good friends. They don't always have to be boyfriends. Timing and destiny decides when people enter our lives to offer romantic-love; so enjoy life for what it is until that happens.
Don't grow-old in frustration; enjoy your youth until the right-guy comes along. You don't get to set the time that should happen; so enjoy life until it does. Love happens when it happens, and there are too many people complaining about not getting what they want. Sometimes that's because providence has decided you're not ready, or you are too impatient. Count your small blessings or they'll dry-up! Be thankful for what you have! Give to help others!
No about your past with men. If it never-ever works out. That means you need some work. It also means you need to keep practicing until you get it right. Don't let cynicism or frustration poison your attitude.
It's easy to pin-it on the guys; but doesn't it seem odd it always fails? I'm older and wise enough to know other people don't have as much control over my destiny as I do.
Then you have to own a little responsibility for it. Implying that you don't have a boyfriend; because most guys are no-good will keep you alone for a long-time. That's because that's not true, and attitude matters if you want a blessing.
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