A
female
age
41-50,
*rchidPetal
writes:I was with my partner for 5 years and we lived together and shared a lot. We split a few months ago, while we were together the relationship was very turbulent. The only thing that seemed to stay constant was our love for one another but my partner was often very cruel, manipulative and to be blunt, lied to me a great deal. Sometimes I don't know why I loved him.In the good moments I was made to feel like the most beautiful sexy perfect person on the planet, but the good moments became fewer and fewer. The breakup was very traumatic and I felt and still feel like my entire life has changed. I lost my apartment, my home, my security (or perceived security) and my partner took several large expensive items we shared and moved county and left me in debt, stupidly it was joint debt but was in my name.I feel I have lost myself. I was terribly unhappy for so long but I still feel the loss of my old life. I feel like I do not know who I am anymore. My ex partner knew me very well and has said a great many deeply cutting things to me about my character and personality. I have friends but as I am in my 30s they have full lives and I cannot surround myself with people who care about me until I feel better. I feel like I am damaged and a bad person and I can't imagine anyone will love me or be attracted to me again. I have never had much self confidence but the little I had is gone. If anyone could tell me their own experience, give me any advice as to how to pick myself up, move on, develop my confidence I would be so grateful. I genuinely don't know where to begin...Thank you in advance to anyone who offers any advice Orchidxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): I can't give you any advice, but I want you to know that you aren't alone.I have a similar story, I was in a turbulent and abusive relationship. I was left homeless, jobless, and felt no one understood how I felt.Even though I knew being out of the relationship was for the best, I missed my life. My ex and i have a son together, and he doesn't see his son, and has been in and out of his life since we split up, so he will always be part of my life.Even though at the moment, even for me, things aren't great, i know that it will be.I am now in college, studying something i always wanted to study, making new friends, and starting to piece my life back together.Maybe you could do the same, start a college course or start a new hobby, get out and about. Most importantly, meet NEW friends....i truely believe this helps. Meeting new people, who don't know your past, has really helped me because i feel they can't judge me or pity me, and around these new friends, i can be myself.I wish you all the best for your NEW life. The past will be exactly that before long....the PAST.Be Happy! Good Luck! x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2013): Realizing this helped me with my break up.If you had not broken up you would still be in a situation that didn't make you happy.You only miss your old life because that is what is familiar and routine, your new life is scary. But your new life is also the only one with the possibility of happiness. You tried to be happy with your ex but it didnt workout. Einstein defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. You gave it three years, let it go.Now its going to be hard for a long time, but soon you WILL feel better. You might even find that your new life is in fact is a billion times better than your old one. You will start to remember the things you used love to do on your own enjoin me time, be your own best friend. After that every thing will fall in to place, you will be a happier person so that will attract people in to your life, you will meet someone else in time. Just remember its a process, let your self go through their is no race to feel better it will happen putting pressure on your self to bounce back will only make it worse. Breaking up is ment to hurt. hope that helps xoxoxo
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