A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do couples who don't live together develop deeper connections? I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months. He does not own his own place and I myself am living with my parents. I find that we spend most of our time outside on dates and rarely have any quality time alone. There is few opportunity to be intimate physically and emotionally, except when we head up to his cottage for the weekend, which doesn't happen very often. I find myself getting a little impatient with the progression and pace of this relationship, as I feel that being at home alone with someone is crucial to developing that level of comfort and intimacy. I lived with my ex for two years so maybe I'm not accustomed to this "dating" style of relationship anymore and it is starting to frustrate me. How do other couples who don't live together cope with this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): Think back to when you were a teenager OP and how did you do it then.
It's not essential at all to be honest as there are always work-arounds although being an adult you may not be keen on sneaking off somewhere for some loving as you would when you're teenagers.
OP not living together is not even nearly the issue here or at least it shouldn't be, I mean come on 3 months is far too soon anyway don't you think?
Lack of intimacy is bothering you and you want to spend more alone time together and there are plenty of ways to do that but you start off by discussing this with him and seeing if you can get more time in his cottage or take drives somewhere remote for an hour or two.
"How do other couples who don't live together cope with this?"
I honestly think that's a strange question for someone your age and only 3 months into the relationship. There is gentle sniff of clingyness off it if I'm honest.
I didn't move in with my girlfriend until about two years in. We both lived at home and found plenty of crafty and inventive ways to be physically intimate and deep emotional/mental connections were as easy as just hanging out and talking, going on dates and building up shared experiences.
Moving in together doesn't create deeper connections in fact a lot of people I know live together and are quite distant.
It quite simply takes time and communication OP, moving in is not going to create a connection in two people that just don't have that spark. If you do have that spark then you will connect whether you live together or not.
I mean what's the hurry?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 August 2012):
 I recently read an article in a national (and well-known) news magazine.... which article was about couples (even some who are married!) who keep separate addresses....
The long and short of it is that people will live in the arrangement that suits them best..... IF you and your new friend are having trouble with your current living arrangement,... then you must either reconcile/accept it.... OR make arrangements to change it....
There's NO real or specific "requirement" about people living together when they date/become partners/marry..
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): Open up alternative forms of communication. Online chat messengers, phone texts, etc. Or, you find a hobby you can share that you can indulge in together. Heck, even just do phone calls. You can be intimate through those, too. I originally met my husband on the internet, and he was an ocean away, but we still developed a really deep relationship through simply communicating.
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