A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am just hoping that someone can offer me some advice on how to remove the yearning I have for an ex-girlfriend. We were with each other for 10 years but broke up a year and a half ago after the relationship went a bit sour after too many arguments. We decided it would be better for the two of us if we split up. It was a little nasty at first but as months went by we remained a friendly but distant friendship (i.e. we texted maybe every 6 or 7 weeks to see how things are with each other).After the break up I was a mess. I lost my job because I couldn’t concentrate. But I got a new one which is going excellent. I have gone back to Karate to get myself back in shape and get my confidence back. I even have a girlfriend who I am with a year now. My ‘new’ girlfriend is nice in many ways, but even after a year, something (whatever it is) just hasn’t clicked yet. I just don’t see myself with this girl for life. After a year I have to ask will I ever feel that way.But despite doing all the right things – I can decide how I act – I cannot decide how I feel, and I still yearn for my ex-girlfriend. We spent most of our adult lives together, growing up and going through all the problems that life brings. She is such fun to be around, she can walk into a room and be the centre of attention and get everyone laughing. I still miss her.I don’t think I should try to get back with her, since she initiated the split. She suddenly decided she wanted kids right then and I wanted to wait another year or so. It was a non-negotiable argument and we split up. She has been through one or two short term relationships in the meantime but I think she might be single now.What I want to know is how can I stop missing her? I am doing everything right, I have got my life back in order, new job, getting fit, new girlfriend. But yet I still yearn for my Ex. I don’t love my new girlfriend and this is probably unfair on her, but I just can’t help the way I feel about my ex.How do I make these emotions go away – it is such a long time between the break up and now, that I don’t know what else I am supposed to do. Should I try to see if she wants to give it another go? Should I just try to forget it, and hope that with more time, the yearning goes away – but how long does this take?Help!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 The reason we enter into a relationship is to see if we're compatible with the other person. You, after a year together with your current girlfriend have realised that you are not compatible. You get along okay but she's definitely not the one for you. The fairest thing to do is to break it off with her, yes she'll be hurt but it's better to be honest with her now than to drag this on for months knowing how you really feel inside.
Regarding your ex, how do you know she's not having these same feelings? When was the last time you spoke/text/emailed her? It might be a good idea to give her a friendly call/text/email to ask how she is. Let her know things weren't working out with your girlfriend and you have gone your seperate ways. THIS lets her know you're free and if she wants to pursue a relationship with you again then she'll keep in touch more. Continue your friendship with your ex calling/text/emailing then ask her to meet up for a coffee. That way you KNOW if the spark is still there with her too and of course it will reaffirm to yourself, whether or not you still have deep feelings for her.
Eve
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