A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, earlier this year I found out my husband had an affair. We are working it out, however, my husband has asked me to have a threesome. I feel like it's a common fantasy for men but at this time of working things out, I don't know what to think. How dare he ask after an affair??!!! Any advice or opinions are greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2015): Thank you all for your opinions! I'm really devastated about this. Although, I feel he is testing me and knows I'm vulnerable. He's trying to see how far I can go. We have talked about it in previous years, so it's not the first time. However, after his affair, it's wrong and bad timing. We have been married for 20 years. We have had our ups and downs but we've managed to keep it together. We have two kids, 15 and 20 years old. I'm 38 and he's 41. We started really young and have grown up together. I discovered the affair 8months ago and recently he keeps bringing up the threesome. He said it's the alternative to cheating, I'm in shock at his behavior. It's not like him.
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (20 November 2015):
Hunny what a horrid arse of a man you have there...i am really sorry for you. I hope you are strong enough and think enough of yourself to pack this piece of crap off on his way out of your life. I hope I hope don't have children which will make it easier get him out your life completely.....as one of the other aunts said he couldn't be clearer that you are not enough for him, in having the affair and now this.....he will have another affair sister, I am telling you now. Please get rid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2015): I would leave him, imagine how he would feel if you had the affair and then you wanted to invite an extra guy into bed with you, he would be furious!
I don't think he is suited to married life and probably panicked that he could only sleep with just woman for the rest of his life.
Yes it's a common fantasy for men, my partner and I have discussed this in this past, but that's for couples who are very very secure in their relationship, where absolutely no jealousy is present. Even when people think they are secure they end up doing it and get that twinge of jealousy.
If you want to stay with him, which I very much hope you don't! then when he brings this up tell him you'd only do it if the extra person is a man. I bet he would never agree to that!
He sounds like a horrible person, I have forgiven people who've cheated in the past and they ended up doing it again. He not only sounds horrible but pretty dumb to boot.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (20 November 2015):
 I cannot believe the audacity of your husband!
Are you sure he is still not in the affair and is hoping that you will consent to a 3-some with his affair partner?
He is hoping that because you want to keep the marriage that you will do anything to keep it. This request is really crossing all boundaries.
He has destroyed your trust in him and now he wants to bring a third person into your marriage [with your consent] and expect you to be happy about it.
He obviously learnt nothing about how he hurt you by having an affair, and all his concerns are selfish - they are just about him. Sorry to say but he doesn't care about you at all.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 November 2015):
 Wow your husband has more balls than a sport store. I have to say that would have to be THE most insulting request of a cheating spouse that I have ever read on DC! Hardly sounds as though he is serious about working on the damage caused by his affair does it? Nor does it sound as thought he feels as thought he did anything wrong by having an affair and this is just an attempt to do it again with your approval. It doesn't seem as though he is remorseful enough to change his ways, be committed to the marriage and whether or not you agree to the threesome, will cheat on you again. Personally I cant see anything much working out in your favour. You can change an attitude but you cant change a character trait. Sorry
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (20 November 2015):
He's proven that in addition to you, he'll always have a desire to be with other women, as well. He will very likely resent it if you don't agree to a three-way, which will result in an even wider divide between you two.
A three-way only works if you are both into it and any semi-conscious man would know this is the wrong (possibly the worst) time for you to be sharing him. I can't imagine a guy asking this unless he is terribly selfish and thoughtless.
Knowing what you've given us, we know little of your happy times together or what he's like outside of the times he's being a callous cheater. I would start making traveling plans as there will likely be some upcoming bad judgments on his part.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2015):
 Did he learn nothing?I wold simply ask him WTH he is thinking, because I have no idea how anyone can be so callous as to ask about a 3-some after getting caught cheating. Specially if he understood how devastating it was for you, and in turn for your marriage.To me is seems like he learned nothing from it. All he thinks is that IF you can forgive a "little" cheating maybe you won't mind a 3-some.It would be a "bye bye husband" if mine pulled something like that.And yes, it MIGHT be a very common fantasy, but how can he think THIS is a great time to ask that or even to ask at all?!Your husband is a twat.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2015): If you care about your life you will leave him. He is relying on the fact you must (in his eyes) be weak for accepting him back after the affair and so you will now be so desperate to keep him that you will agree to a three some. He has used you. He is using you. A three some is just his way of getting your permission for an affair 'equivalent' and once he has it you wont have a single argument to the contrary. Could he make it any clearer that you are not enough. I am sorry to be blunt but you need a wake up call.
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