A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have a problem. I know its just stupid but I was dating this girl for about 6 months and she broke up with me over the phone right before I had to be at work and she never gave me a reason or anything like that. I never had any closure to it and I never got to tell her how I felt so I never got anything off my chest.She just had her senior year prom and I saw some pictures of her from it and it brings back memories. I went to it with her my senior year while she was a sophmore. It just hurts to see those pictures and see her really happy. It hurt in two ways: I remember going to mine with her and that was about the happiest I have ever been in my life. Second, it makes me mad in a way that she is having a good time and being happy after completely breaking my heart and screwing my over the way she did.I know I cant do anything about it but it still bothers me. Im not going to do anything irrational or harmful to anyone or anything but it does upset me. Is it wrong of me to be angry? I feel bad (in a way) but on the other hand I cant help it. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): This happened to my friend and she was dumped by text. She never got any closure and ranted and raved about how and why he did this to her for months and months. Unlike you who is calm she was filled with vengeance and hatred. We had to follow this chap to see what he was up to and who he was with and it drove her insane. All she wanted was answers and he never gave them to her. The more upset she was the less he would deal with her. He wouldn't talk to her and would leave the place if he saw her coming. The only way she overcame this was when she started to go out with someone else then he was never mentioned again! I do understand how you feel because never getting any answers is soul destroying. What the 'Aunts' have said is all good advice if she couldn't tell you what made her behave like that then the problem is with her not you. She is young and probably does want to date lots of different boys and have a good time. You are obviously of a more serious nature and it mattered to you as you really liked her. If you can, try not to dwell on her any more and enjoy going out with other girls. Don't be annoyed that she is appears to b having fun things are not always as they seem. Put her behind you now, forget about this and move on to other things.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 April 2008):
 If you truly love her, you need to set her free.
You want her to be happy and carefree.
To love someone means to let her have her freedom to soar as high as she wants .
If she is yours, she will return to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Hi honey, I can understand your hurt. This girl took a cowards way out, breaking up with you over the phone and not giving you a reason.....this is really reflective of her character and not of yours.
She probably doesn't know why she broke up with you herself, she is young and she doesn't know who she is yet, and she needs to try on a lot of different guys to figure out what she likes in a relationship...so you could say this is partly a matter of bad timing. This won't be the last time this happens to you, probably, it is part of life, rejection....
Please don't agonize over not having any closure over why she broke up with you. The reality is that it is an emotional decision and you are trying to answer it with logic and that isn't going to work. Just let it go. Try to move on with your life.
If you think about it, if you really loved her then you would be able to let her go with love, if you saw pictures of her happy, then you would be happy for her even if it is bittersweet for you.
I don't think you really loved this girl all that much, you are reeling in the pain of rejection and not knowing why she rejected you.....it happens to all of us, it is part of life. And when the time is right and you meet the girl of your dreams, then you will know it was worth the wait and all the bad relationships in the world to get to the one that is right.
Wish her well, and let her go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): Those are the emotions of a break up. Of course you're angry. It hurts when someone you care for decides not to be with you anymore. However, you are young and there will be many many more! I'm sure you have broken hearts too. Just handle yourself with dignity and you will be over it before you know it. One thing you might want to do is write her a letter of all the things you wanted to say to her about your break up. Get out EVERYTHING. Then, rip up the letter. This way, you get out all the feelings without yelling in her face and lookin like a jerk. Good luck.
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