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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 16 years old. My problem is this: when I was in my last year of primary school I fell in love with a boy called Skye. He often tried to talk to me and people told me that he fancied me. However when it came to high school I got sent to the local comprehensive and he got sent to a private all boy's school.I was in the depths of despair as I loved him and had wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.I never saw him again.My question to you is this: how could I have held onto Skye? What could/should I have done when I first started high school to hold onto him??PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 September 2006):
 I got to ask what is really bothering you right now...it isn't a boy you knew at the age of 10. You must be feeling stressed about your life at the moment and wishing that a boy you used to know had stayed in your life so it would have turned out differently. Perhaps you are lonely? Perhaps you are anxious about exams at school? Whatever the reason, you have to remember that people change a lot when they leave childhood and become teenagers. My point is that you knew this boy when he was younger and he may have developed in a much different person when he was older. I always think it is not a good idea to dwell on the past - it is called ruminating and is linked to depression. By all means learn by your past mistakes (...and leaving this boy behind wasnt a mistake as your life will change a great deal over the next 10 years, much more than the past 10 years). Skye came and went in your life for a reason - he taught you about what you like in people and that will inform your judgement about future partners.
You have to live for the here and now, and look forward to the future based on you and what you can achieve in your life - you cannot think that holding onto skye would have made a difference to your life happiness. High school sweet hearts split up quite often! You are very much in control of you, and you will meet lots of guys in later life who are just like your Skye. Focus on those bits of your life that you can control at the moment (i.e. what you do) and don't worry so much about those things in your life that you cannot control (i.e. Skye going to another school). The big lesson of the day here is that you can never hold onto people - they have to want to stay around you, and if they move on then I like to think it was just mean't to be that way. It gives you opportunities for new experiences and people.
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