A
female
age
36-40,
*alcyondays714
writes:I had been dating this guy that lived in my hometown for almost 7 months. The first 2 months were while I was at college, but when I was home, I followed him to all the summer ball games he played. When I had to go back, he told me how he would visit me a lot and how we would talk everyday. For the first 6 weeks, I couldn't come home at all because of school and sports. But when I finally did come home again, I told him I loved him, which was really hard for me, I was shaking. His response was "I would be lying to you if I told you I loved you, but I really really really really like you." Then the next day I got a text saying how he hoped his words didn't hurt me or crush me, how he knew how hard it was to say that for the first time and didn't want to discredit it, he appreciated hearing it. He said how he really liked me and really cared about me and thought about me all the time; how maybe that was love but he wasn't sure and didn't want to throw the word around because it scared him a little...but that he deeply cared about me. I did a lot for him and not getting the "I love you" back was hard, but I respected what he said and didn't want him to say anything he didn't mean. However, 2 weeks passed and I came home again. We went out to a movie and the entire time he seemed distant. He had his fast resting in his hand between me and him the entire time and I tried to get close to him and he wouldn't touch me. I was confused and it bothered me, but I was only home for that night and was just happy to see him. The next morning, when I was back at school, I told him how I don't tell him enough how happy I am when I'm with him...and never got a response back. Then, 3 days later, I was told how the relationship meant more to me than him and how he felt like it was more like a friendship than a relationship but maybe it was because he was moving in a month (I was never told of this) and how he wasn't as committed to the relationship and didn't want to try that long distance. He kept telling me he felt like this was something he had to do. He told me how it didn't have to be good bye and that we could still talk and be friends, but he would leave that decision up to me. I was heartbroken to say the least. Mind you, this breakup all occurred in texting...not once in my relationship had I received a phone call, it was all through texting.I really care about him, heck I love the guy. I did everything for him...and I was dropped like the past 7 months meant nothing. I drove back and forth from school over 600 miles in a span of 2 weeks to see him. There were times that he wouldn't want to hang out over the summer because he was tired or he had already fallen asleep already and I let it go. He never came out to see me and like I said, he never even gave me a phone call for the 7 months we dated. Even the first night I was home after being at school for 6 weeks he stood me up because he fell asleep and didn't wake up.All of my friends tell me I can do better. He's in his mid-20s, can't even get his 2 year degree after 5 years of being at the same school, and still lives at home and does nothing for himself. But I just don't understand how you can tell someone maybe it is love and then drop them no problem 2 weeks later.What is also really hard is that I really liked his family and they all liked me. His mom contacts me online almost all the time and even his sister. She tells me how she yelled at him when she found out and how he didn't realize how good of a woman he let go, but apparently he doesn't really talk about it with anyone. I came home recently and his mom asked me to stop by so she could chat with me. I also recently found out that he is now moving in January with the rest of his family, not in a month.I am just frustrated and feel like I did something wrong. He hasn't contacted me, all I have heard is that he was happy that his mom and I still talk. I don't understand how you can tell someone you maybe love them, then drop them in almost 2 weeks? I mean...he was still flirting a week beforehand. I feel so lost and am just trying to get an outsider's perspective on the situation. I miss him terribly and just wish I could understand what he's thinking. It is so confusing and this is a small slice of the pie that is this situation. Thank you, I appreciate any input!
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 it was such a short period of time, from my reading of the situation as you have written it he is a decent guy who was doing his best not to hurt your feelings, maybe you came on too strong wanting love and hearts and flowers and happy ever after too soon after first going out with him.Stop discussing him and his emotions etc etc with his mother, thats just downright weird.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): Well it sounds like it's well and truly over doesn't it? It doesn't really sound like he's interested in a relationship with you, and doesn't even sound like he wants to be friends. I suppose I may be wrong and he's just "confused" or "scared" but how long are you prepared to put up with this? While he's figuring everything out you're being jerked around.
It really sounds like it's over. I don't think he loves you. He may have some feeling for you but it's not love. If he loved you he'd know it and would want to spend time with you and see you which clearly he does not.
I know you're in love and you may not be seeing things clearly but surely you got some kind of inkling of this by the way he's been acting. Or are you just a glutton for punishment? And not one phone call in the seven months you were dating? What kind of tool is this guy?
I know he seems to be giving you mixed messages and so you think there is hope things will work out. He cares about you but he's unsure, he's confused, he's scared blah blah blah. He sounds a lot like me with my first girlfriend. Sometimes I wanted to be with her and sometimes I didn't. I was hot and cold with her all the time. Sometimes I really missed her and sometimes I couldn't stand the sight of her. I couldn't understand any of this but looking back I know it's because I simply didn't love her. And I wasn't attracted to her. There's a thing called chemistry and if you don't have it then you just don't have it. If someone just doesn't light your fire it's not their fault, or your fault it's just the way it is. Instead of being a man and being honest with her and breaking up cleanly with her I just ignored her and left her feeling ignored and heartbroken. I regret the way I treated her more than anything else in my life and will be eternally ashamed. But in my defence I was only eighteen and this was my first relationship.
Since he clearly doesn't have the guts, then I think you should be the one to make a clean break. Don't try to see him again. Don't text or phone him again. Go back to school and get on with your life. See some new people. Have some fun. Let your hair down. That's what college in America is all about isn't it? Go to some parties, meet some new guys and just move on with your life.
These sorts of things are rotten to deal with but it's just life. It's not something you've done. Sometimes things just don't work out. Put it behind you and be a better and stronger person for it.
Good luck. I wish you well.
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