A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: is it common for a woman to go through a brief phase of promiscuity? is four different men in six months a lot if her total of different partners is six or is this type of phase common in a woman's sexual development? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): I think that satindesire is correct. I think that both men and women who are promiscuous do so because they lack self esteem or confidence. I think a lot of people do that after ending a bad marriage or relationship where they were put down or demeaned. They have lost their confidence, feel unattractive and feel they are a loser is some way. The more partners who want to sleep with them the more attractive it makes them feel, at least for a few days. Often after the short high is over then they might feel cheap or dirty or the short feeling of confidence just goes away. Then they go out and do the same thing again to make them feel attractive. I think that a lot of women especially do this after a bad and hurtful relationship.
In many cases doing this is actually counterproductive. The fact that they often feel cheap actually hurts their self esteem more than the feeling of being wanted helps. They are looking for some sort of love or affection and often just get used for sex. Not always, but often. This can make them feel used and perhaps even hurt their self esteem more.
I think that this is often the reason why married men and women often enter into an affair. A lot of times it is because of a bad marriage or lack of sex with their partner, but often it is just because they are depressed or feel inadequate sexually and need confirmation that they are not inadequate.
I think that the sowing wild oats reasoning is just an excuse for people who cannot face their behavior. It is their way of saying that what they are doing is fine to make themselves feel it is acceptable.
Having many partners can have both disadvantages and its advantages. The disadvantages are fairly obvious - bad reputation, STDs, feeling cheap, etc. The advantages are that when they find a great partner that they recognize what they have by comparison to the rest who they have slept with. This makes them less likely to leave a good partner for greener pastures when things are not going well. They might become better lovers, but this is not necessarily the case for those who just screw and learn little about foreplay and affection. It probably also lessens the chance that they will want to decide that they missed out on something years after finding Mr or Ms Right.
These are just my opinions based on what a few women have told me or on what I have read in questions on DC or on other boards. This is also based on very extensive discussions with my wife, who went through this after her first marriage where her husband criticized her and cheated on her. It actually lengthened her time to recover from that hurt because of the guilt that she felt about what she was doing.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 some women are very promiscouos.
these days it occurs more & more.
ive heard of some who sleep with a different guy every week!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): There is no "women's sexual development". People are all different, men and women, and go through different stages or not at all. People have different standards. I don't think 4 people in 6 months is bad if you're a young, single girl and you're having fun. If it makes sense in the story of your life, and you are happy with it and the decisions you make, then even 100 people in 6 months is ok.
People can give you their own anecdotes, and some people here will say that college girls go through a "stage" of being slutty etc. This is stereotyping, and doesn't help you or your girlfriend understand one another. What matters is the quality of the relationship you have with her NOW. If you are uncomfortable with her past, that is YOUR problem, not your girlfriend's.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): i do know that women go through a phase like this, my girl (of 4 years) and i just broke up a month ago because she wanted to "experiance life" aka date other men and because i love her so much i know she will b back but every one needs to do this in there life... i fell that it is commin for both men and women, i went through it now its her turn...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): I knew one girl who did that when she was around 18. She got into a long-term relationship with an older guy when she was silly young -- 15 or 16. She and I had some sort of relationship for a year or so while she was with him. And after we moved back to being "just friends" she was picking up guys in bars.
She later married the original guy, they raised two kids who have now grown up & left home, and they seem very happy together. I eventually concluded that I was just part of her process of sowing wild oats.
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