A
male
age
36-40,
*][KE
writes:My girlfriend has always had close male friends, she is a very independent person and I've had to deal with that. We have both finished our first year at University and have been together for about five months now. We have both said we love each other, however over the recent months she has befriended a guy called Dave and I feel very threatened by him.Dave in some respects is alot like myself but he has not had a girlfriend in about 5 years. The two of them talk alot via text messages, MSN and Facebook and she says he is the closest bestfriend she has made since being at University. I have been around Dave but we have never spoken as he avoids me, however looking at his body language and demeanor I can tell that he has a crush on her. I have talked about this with her and says nothing will happen because she is with me.I just don't know what to do because she obviously likes him and vice-versa. However I cant go on about it because it will seem like I don't trust her, I just don't know how to get over this situation.I get so angry because I know that she probably talks to him more than me and he's going to be around for a while.Help, I urgently need advice!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Your girlfriend has already reassured you that she won't leave you for him - he may want to be more, but she doesn't think of him as anything but a friend. You could suggest (gently) that she confront this crush and make it plain her feelings for him don't go any deeper, but push it to much and she might feel smothered by your jealousy.
Your feelings are normal and rational; don't let anyone tell you that you just need to "get over it". You could insist on spending some time with her and Dave, to get to know him and reassure yourself that he isn't a threat to you. Hasn't had a girlfriend in five years! Clearly he isn't doing something right; whereas you have a lovely girlfriend who is obviously friendly and outgoing. There's nothing wrong with her having male friends, but you could ask her if she could spend more time with you and less with him as you feel a bit neglected.
Best thing is not to seem angry or overprotective or possessive when you talk to her about it. Try and explain that it's just because she's such a great girl and you don't want to lose her to a friend she seems close to.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): This can't be sorted out until you get some close female friends. When you both are experiencing the same problem. Then you can sit down and talk.Women are often talking of double standards, now it's your turn.Good luck
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