A
female
age
36-40,
*ettyBoup
writes:I'm a little confused about how I feel. Im in a long distance relationship with an older guy who I see about 6 months of the year. At first it was amazing. I got very close, very quickly and easily to this guy. I've never felt so much love for someone and he was very generous and a gentleman. We've been together coming up to 2 years now and I dont know whats happened but I keep getting doubts and negative feelings about us. I fixate on the problems we have, such as mismatched sex drives(he doesnt want it and hates that I 'pester' him for it. I get really upset when he doesnt want to sleep with me. I just think he isnt that into me physically although he denies this, says its just his sex drive) and the fact that he plays loads of computer games and that he doesnt want to travel to visit me at uni.Ive just come back from a weekend away with him and his mates to go and see a band. I felt like he was being distant with me most of the weekend. I felt a bit like I was tagging along and felt quite awkward some of the time, even though the guys are all really nice and no one had a problem with me being there. Its just that he was being one of the lads and I felt really sad when I had to go because he didnt seem as bothered as I was. Id suggested him come to see a gig near my uni so i could see him in term time. He wasnt bothered but he came over to see the gig with a bunch of his mates coz it was one of there 40ths. Which is fair enough. He said the only reason he did was coz it was his mates 40th, he wouldnt travel otherwise. He wont travel to see me because he works, hates traveling, is worried about his age and basically he's happy seeing me a few months a year.He always tells me he loves me and wants to be with me after I finish uni in a year n a half. I just dont know what it is but I keep getting upset about the way he acts and I cant bring myself to tell him how I feel. How can I tell him I dont think hes as bothered about me as I am? How can you say to your boyfriend that you're unhappy and want to leave sometimes? I just dont feel that wanted or needed. Maybe I'm just being needy. I dont know what my problem is. I think maybe we're not communicating properly. I just dont know how to say I'm not happy without hurting him? I've thought about leaving because I feel maybe things would be easier for me if I wasnt thinking about him all the time, but the thought of being without him in my life breaks my heart even though I'm not happy. I used to think I could be with him forever. Hes a really nice decent guy I just feel like he doesnt make enough time for me. Am I being imature and selfish?
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female
reader, quirkyqueen  +, writes (15 February 2010):
You're not being needy or selfesh. You're wanting what you would want from a typical relationship. It doesnt sound like he's in the place to give you the whole 100% you definetly deserve. You deserve someone who is on the same level with you. You deserve to be happy.
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