A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im heartbroken :( my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, on sunday night we had an argument because we werent going to see each other that night and we both have a lot of seperate plans over the next few weekends, on top of his work commitments (he often does 16 hour days with no notice). on monday morning he asked me if we could meet to talk about the argument, and he basically just broke up with me :( saying that because of his work commitments he cant commit himself to being in a long term relationship right now and doesnt want to keep hurting me when we cant see each other so much. it is true he does work long hours monday- friday and plays golf all day saturday but this isnt something i'd ever break up with him over, i always thought we'd work something out :( for the most part I thought our relationship was great and this took me completely by surprise :(i really dont know what to do, i was so hurt i couldnt look at him while he was talking to me and when he asked me for a hug goodbye i said no. he told me i was the best girlfriend he'd ever had and didnt want to lose contact but if that was completely true why would he chose to do this and not work through it?! it just feels like he's taken the easy way out and just decided to drop me because things were going to get a bit difficult for a few weeks. im so hurt, i just want to sit in my room and cry all the time :( up until this weekend we spent 3-4 nights a week together and i cant get over the fact that thats never going to happen anymore :(after he broke up with me he went to work and i went home, an hour later he texted me asking what time i'd be in that night so he could come round and make things right because he didnt want me to hate him. i text back saying i didnt want to see him to have the same conversation again bcause i didnt believe there was anything left for him to say but if he wanted to come collect his things and had something really important to say i'd be home about 11ish. later on that night he rang me saying he couldnt make it that night due to work but would try to make it over the next couple of days to get his things and said that he still wanted to talk to me. i burst into tears (couldnt help it) and told him i didnt want to be just friends with him and told him to just text me when he was coming over. then put the phone down on him. i didnt hear from him again til this morning when i was actually in despair over thinking about it so i text him asking if he knew when he was coming to get his stuff and he replied straight away saying he would try either today or tomorrow and that he hopes im ok. i sent him a short reply telling him that i really wasnt.i dont know what to do :( i dont want to lose him at all , he was my first proper boyfriend, the first guy i introduced my parents to and i lost my virginity to him :( but i really dont know if i could handle being just friends. i am in so much pain right now
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 First off I'm sorry to hear that you're in so much pain over the breakup.
Working random 16 hour work shifts, and long hours regularly obviously takes a lot out of a person- and you really wouldn't have time for a proper relationship... even if you see someone for a decent amount of time. So for that, I could understand the reasoning for your ex's breakup talk. But I do agree that if you really want to be with someone, you'll find a way to make things work. Perhaps in his situation, he could've asked his boss to work a different shift, change up his work hours, or seek out another job that may grant him a better work schedule so he would have more time not just the relationship, but for himself.
And in my opinion I think it's too soon to be friends with him... because you haven't gotten over him yet. The breakup is still fresh. Give yourself some time to bounce back, and then you could decide whether or not you'd like to be friends with him.
Even though he completely checked himself out of the relationship, you haven't. There was a lot that happened in your relationship, so this type of breakup will be difficult to bounce back from. BUT YOU CAN DO IT. You have within right now what's necessary for you to get over your ex. Try coming up with a list of positive affirmations that expresses why you're a good catch, and repeat them daily. Also you should seek guidance from a counselor, close family member, or friend. Whether they'll provide a listening ear or give you some suggestions, there are people around you that may be able to help you bounce back.
And just know... you're still young. There are plenty of men out there right now that's looking for a girl like you. Continue searching for your MR. Right, and allow yourself the chance to fall in love again.
I wish you the very best with everything!
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