A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am coming up to a year now with the most wonderful guy and I have honestly never felt so in love or so loved before but sadly we seem to keep arguing over the silliest things and we have now both noticed it has been getting more frequent. I think it started because of the stress of him being unable to find a job for about 2 months but now happily he has a job for just over a month (he has to travel a lot though which exhausts him) and although I can't really remember why we argue, it is not actually about money or lack of. It sometimes starts if one snaps at the other if they are stressed (I currently have uncertainties whether I will lose my job next month) or sleepy or the other is preoccupied. We always kiss and make up pretty quickly but I very often cry and get very upset and I really hate wasting our time together arguing. My boyfriend hates seeing me cry and for both our emotional health I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to stop these arguments. I try really hard not to argue often by not replying but that upsets him as he says he wants to be able to have a discussion about things...sadly our discussions seem to always lead to arguments. I love him so very, very much and we often talk about our future together so I want to get things sorted out now.
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female
reader, JewelHodge  +, writes (19 August 2010):
I think one of the problems for arguing is stress and fustration that might be present because of certain issues that may be going on in both partners lives. At the same time we should be willing to vent these anger and fustration not at each other but find another outlet, scream, exercise till your burnt out, go dancing do something real active to eleviate that "pressure" but not at the one you love. I am going through a similar situation and i love my man with all my heart and dont want to loose him, at the same time i have realised that he has his personal issues and i have mine and i should learn to respect the fact that he is a man who wants to deal with it in his "way" and not in my "way". This is vice versa. I know he loves me and yes sometimes i feel like shaking him to let my feelings sink in but its not all about me, and its not all about him. So i would say try hard to understand your man or woman. UNDERSTANDING is a very powerful word which is often underrated. If we understand our man or woman we can lessen the stress and fustration in our relationships. I am working on doing that not because i want to keep my man and be selfish but because i am begining to understand his needs and wants as a man and in the end it will help to mould me into a better person in the end. Hope this was a bit helpful!!
A
female
reader, confused.commm +, writes (15 May 2008):
I'm in exactly the same position as you. I know how u feel, i've just gone into the second year of my marriage. me and my husband are fighting a hell alot. Mandys advice was brilliant, I do that sometimes, I punch the hell out my punch bag.
Another idea is to randomly just speak about how u and ur bf got together, reminisce about silly things u 2 got up 2 that made u two laugh, what u used to get upto, the feelings that made u two get together. Dress up for him one day, light a few candles and make him feel special. Rekinle a little. make urselves fall inlove with one another all over again. Be sexy and spontaneous. promise urself, when one is being wrong, 2 wrongs dont make a right, u love him enough to pardon him going off on one. im not say be a door mat, have ur say when his calmer. it always works. The art of a successful relationship is the art of tolerance.
sometimes unknowingly we get stuck in a type of rut, where subconciously we see the person were fighting with alot and certain feelings off resentment wrecks our moods, even if they havn't done anything. that has an adverse effect, and b4 we know it an argument starts off as silly as 'SEE, LOOK AT YOU, LOOK AT THE WAY U R TODAY...''
Hope i've helped. good luck with ur relationship. Its draining when things like this happen. But mark my words things will get better.
let me know how u get on.xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Hi Hunny
Sometimes life can make us tired and angry its not the person in our life but we take it out on them as we dont no how to vent the anger or worry, A few good ways to get rid of unwanted stress and frustration is to do it while alone and get it all out of the way before you see your b/f same can go for him. If you feel tired, angry, frustrated for any reason and you bottle it up its going to come out somewere so find your own time and get rid...SCREAM UNTILL YOU CAN NO LONGER SCREAM! obviously find a place to do this I.E a car with the windows up so no one thinks something is wrong...Get a towel and wring it and as your doing this wring out all that tention think of everything that is getting at you and strangle that towel untill you have no energy left. punch bags are great but we dont always have one in the cupbourd so hit the shit out of your pillow really go to town on it...We hold in so much sometimes sweetheart and we never mean to hurt the one we love, I go upstairs and I looked at this poor towel in the bathroom and thought oh my!!!! But my frustration and anger were gone and I was quite calm after, And Ive taught my daughter to scream in the car, She came home from school upset so I took her out and told her to scream as loud and as long as she could, By the time she had finished we were both laughing and she felt so much better...Life is full of unwanted suprises and let downs it will get you upset and cause friction I hope this will help hunny and you dont think Im completely mad at the end of the day you love each other so this is not how you want your life to be WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 May 2008):
 We are all unique and different.
We may not see alike even if the incident happens right infront of us.
We may see it from another perspective.
There is no point arguing about anything because it could
spread to the other departments and you will suffer for it.
Women tend to take it personally and not look at the issue alone.
Each of us is entitled to our opinions.
You can accept or reject it.
You should not browbeat them or force your opinions down their throats.
If you respect each other's opinions ,
then you will agree that you will disagree on that issue and just leave it at that.
Arguments are just like a brick wall.
No one is so stupid as to go knock their heads on the wall and expecting the wall to collapse.
Treat what they said as another perspective ,
though you do not agree with them.
Who is right or wrong, time will tell.
I just leave them alone or leave it to God to correct them
or for God to show me that I was wrong.
There are so many things more important in life than to
fight for who is right or wrong.
If you cannot accept my perspective, so be it.
What is important is , I know the truth.
If you cannot accept the truth, that's your loss.
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