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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: So everyday, I think about leaving my husband. He is totally cold with me, and distant. we sleep in the same bed, but he doesn't touch me. He says he loves me and he will always stay with me. He has erection problems also, and he does not know why. But the doctor says he does not have any medical problems... He says it should work medically.. So we don't know why. His penis works as he gets erections at night we did the the test with tape... Ok, so I feel, I can't live in this atmosphere any more. I don't know why did he cool out, and it is like that years ago. Before that, he was very sexual... So I believe in marriage commitments, but I suffer so much from not knowing the cause of his behavior. What should I ask him to do about it? What can I do ? And if I can't change this feeling how can I stay? We have grown children, and 26 years marriage... What a horrible sad feeling. He is a good man otherwise, provides for his family. But if he can't fix the emotional part I don't think I can save this marriage! PLEASE UNDERSTAND ,ITS NOT ABOUT SEX ONLY.. What can I do if he does not know what is problem, and how can he find it out himself? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): He seems terribly young to loose interest in sex...has he gotten himself into the porn habit?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): marriage tends to turn to a partenership rather than a love affair after so many years of marriage. that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or with him. marriage is just like that.if you feel that you must have the sexual part then I suggest that you take up a lover and be discreet about it. no need for everybody to know it, and see how it works out.if you are both mature and intellegent enough you can make it work without anyone getting hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2009): Hi there,
First off please don't blame yourself. His erection problem is his problem but you can be the one to help him. Consider how much you have discussed this: he may be feeling pressured and embarrassed because of this, and the more you talk about it the worse it gets.
You could gently mention viagra, or just that you need some quality time together. It sounds like a horrid cliche, but start off slowly, taking fun dates like you used to or just going for a walk together. Build up and do things together like massages, tactile play eg. blindfolding and food. It doesn't always have to be sexual, just reconnecting with each other and making the bond stronger. And think up things on your own, things that you both enjoy doing!
Your marriage has lasted 26 years, surely it can be salvaged. Your children are grown up, have surely left the nest and are adult enough to deal with things like divorce. If the worst happens yes, it will be painful for all parties involved but your children will understand, and keep an ear open for them. If that is what it takes to make you happy then think about it, and go for it. Don't forsake your own happiness to keep your family together. You only live once.
Good luck x
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