A
female
age
36-40,
*ez7
writes:Hello everyone,Due to financial reasons me and my partner are currently living at home with our families, we have been together for three years. Its quite a distance apart, and with work its hard to see each other. This is why i am confused, i love him very much and he says the same for me, so anyone would want to stay in touch as much as they could especially being so far apart?But he says he hates texting so never really has his phone on, and hardly ever calls. He doesnt really email either. I try to contact him but it just seems to go ignored. Whats going on? Whenever we're together its great! But when we're apart he doesnt seem interested?please help,thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): Hey there. sorry you are going through this. But I gotta tell you to trust your instincts. He's great when he is with you but then he seems uninterested/ distant when you are apart. Probably because he is no longer interested. when men miss a girl, they call skype, text at least a few times a week. It may not be everyday, but at least majority of the days in the week. If he's not contacting you regularly, he may not be as into you or the relationship as you are. I would advice you to stop contacting him and see if he makes the effort to reach out to you. If he doesn't, then just take the hint and possibly move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 Hello back,
You say you have been together for three years… now you are apart with your families. Were you living together or just in the same city… IF you were living together and separated to move home to your parents I fear not much hope for your relationship.
My husband and I did an LDR for the first year of our relationship. We were two hours apart by car. He hates texting, he hates emailing, he hates talking on the phone.. He did all three with me. Emails to the point of insanity some days.. rarely texted but his phone was always on (although coverage in his apartment was spotty at best to be honest) and yet ONCE we were serious we had contact at least twice a day even if only for 2 or 3 minutes to say “good morning” and “good night” We managed to see each other every weekend once we were totally committed to each other… and while I did most of the driving and calling I never felt I was the only one rowing our relationship boat.
You say “I love him very much, and he says the same for me” so even YOU do not believe he loves you. Rightfully so I’m afraid. A man in love moves heaven and earth to be with the woman he loves. My LDR gave up his entire life, his job, his apartment of 10 years, his bachelor lifestyle, the belief that marriage was stupid….. he called daily once he was in love…
YOU try to contact him and YOU are ignored. How much longer will you two be apart.
I’m afraid if he moved away from you, and is not making an effort to make it work, it won’t work… it takes TWO to be in a relationship…. You can’t WILL him to be what you need or want.
I'm sorry to say this does not look good...
how long have you been apart
how much longer will you need to be apart?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 Relationships take two, when one person does all the work and all the running around it creates an imbalance .... let him know you are concerned because it feels you are the only one in this relationship and then pull back a bit, if he makes an effort to stay in touch, to maintain momentum, to even up the imbalances well and good, and if he doesn't .... well then, you will need to decide if you are happy being available when he choses he wants to know you, or if you should accept the relationship is over in all ways but name.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2012): "i love him very much and he says the same for me, so anyone would want to stay in touch as much as they could especially being so far apart?"Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES (or DOESN'T do). He doesn't want to stay in touch, so that would indicate he doesn't really love you."But he says he hates texting so never really has his phone on, and hardly ever calls. He doesnt really email either. I try to contact him but it just seems to go ignored." Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES (or DOESN'T do). He doesn't want to stay in touch, so that would indicate he doesn't really love you."Whats going on? Whenever we're together its great! But when we're apart he doesnt seem interested?"When you're around, he has a nearby, available, convenient, easy no-strings lay. When you're apart, he has no use for (and therefore no interest in) you. "please help"We can't. Your plea again translates to "please tell me what I want to hear." Sorry, but you are asking the impossible. You can't make your "temporary LDR" work because "partner" doesn't want it to work, most likely because in his mind it does not exist, most likely because it exists only in your imagination. If you want to keep your head in the clouds and in the sand at the same time while ignoring the obvious, then that's your perogative but it's not going to change your situation, no matter how many different ways you choose to spin the details. You have no "relationship," you have no "partner," you are not "together." Sorry, but no way to sugarcoat the truth, which doesn't mean you aren't still perfectly capable of not believing it for simple reason that you don't want to believe it. I politely suggest you seek counselling to get an unbiased, objective opinion from a neutral third party and trained professional.
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