A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A person that I am very close to is shutting me out. She has had some big problems in her life in the past few months and I have stuck by her all the way. I help her constantly but lately she is shutting me out. Lately when we hang out she is rude and mean. If I ask if shes ok she sighs and says im annoying.I know she is going through some stuff so I tried to do a nice thing the other day by taking her some of her favorite treats and she went nuts at me. I told her that I am having trouble handling her. I am feeling hurt as she never seems to notice that I try. She doesnt even say thankyou anymore. She was struggling with money so i lent her some ( a very small amount) with a note saying to just think of it as a loan and she went mad. I have told her that i care about her. That i will be here for her. I drive her around, buy her whatever she needs and try to make her happy but she just seems to be suddenly ignoring me. She wont answer messages.How can someone who used to love me so much now seem to hate me when all ive done is be kind and thoughtful?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2012): she might be going through tough time u hve to be patient ask her if she needs time ..be calm ..if she knows your worth in her life ..then she will never let you go ... take your time may be she just need you ..i think she is quiet open to you that's why her anger burst out at you ... while keeping all your dignity .. ask her if she needs your help .. if she does not value your concern.. then in my opinion u should move on...
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Maybe she takes it out on you because she thinks she can get away with it? You need to make it clear that she can call you if she needs to, but youre not going to go out of your way to help her without her asking and that her lack of gratitude is pushing you away and unfair.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2012):
 She sounds rather ungrateful, but maybe she feels like you are trying to run her life. Not everyone is rational when crap hits the fan, could be that she feels like you are rubbing it in her face that YOU got your "stuff" together and she doesn't. Know what I mean?
You seem to mean well, but you also seem to not understand that PUSHING your solution on to others it not always positively received.
I would back off, let her come to you.
And if a person don't respond positively to help offered, then step back, tell them if they need help they can always come to you. And then leave it at that.
I know you are just trying to be nice in the best way you can think of, but sometimes people need to sort their own stuff out. Also people who are this ungrateful will not suddenly realize that you are just trying to be nice. So honey, for you own sake, stop trying to please her.
Hopefully when her troubles die down a little, she will look back and know you were trying to be nice, and she will apologize for not taking it better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): Well, here is the question that comes to my mind: Did she actually ask for help?
People need to maintain dignity. It feels terrible when someone feels sorry for you. And it's an insult to offer money to someone who didn't ask to borrow. It feels like charity.
But that's just my guess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2012): Wow, I am going through a similar situation. I've been going through a lot and I have this best friend who tries to be there for me but I just feel like its necessary for me to be alone. Its not that I don't care, I just feel as If i need space from it all and time to work everything out.. But here's the thing, you can still be there for her but from a distance. If she needs you, let her come to you and help her but Just leave her alone, let her get herself together.. Its not you, its her. LOL... But on a serious note, Just give her space, You may be smothering her with your kindness.
Things will work out, just have a little faith in it. (:
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