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female
,
anonymous
writes: This is not really a question. I just feel sad and disappointed that the man I've been dating since February (a month of emails, some phone calls because I was in the U.K. then, before we met in early April) just broke up with me.He lives long distance, but we had been meeting twice a month for weekends and despite some initial difficulties (different backgrounds, etc.) - he thought I was controlling - true, but I made determined efforts to stop being that way, and he felt that I was successful.However, to sum up, he was on a business trip over the last few days in another state. I had an email from him this morning to say he met someone while there and apparently they must have really hit it off. He said he "is very fond" of her - though how you can tell than in two or three days I don't know - and they did have sex. Therefore, he was letting me know, as was our agreement that if we met someone else we would say so.He was here visiting the weekend before last and things were great. We both had a really enjoyable time, good sex, too. I know he is very overweight and has difficulty walking, doesn't have a lot of money, so there were differences in interests and what we could do in terms of going places, but I was prepared to make allowances. He was always thoughtful and considerate and (until he met this new person) liked me a LOT. I guess I just wonder how someone with whom you're getting on so well, can just drop it so quickly? Although when I called him this morning after reading his email he said at first he wanted to give it some time and see how it goes. I asked if he wanted to continue seeing me, and soon after that, he said he thought we'd better break it off.I then sent an email to wish him well in the new relationship, and acknowledged his honesty, pointed out we'd both done everything we could to make our relationship pleasaht and rewarding, and said that though I'd been approached by a couple other men while we were dating, I had turned them down, but that had I been really interested I would have let him know. I wouldn't be willing to sleep with someone else while dating him. Nor would he.Well, he may be happy with this new woman, but usually people do turn out to have things that annoy or disappoint......he had not been to Massachusetts on business before, and this was the first time they met.
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broke up, long distance, money, move on, overweight Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): Thanks for your response, KellyO. In some ways he isn't very mature - even though we've both just turned 67. I spoke with him on the phone this afternoon, and he said the "spark" wasn't there. Had been waiting to see if it would develop. Don't know what he means by that: we both enjoyed one another; last time he said he was "dying to see you" as he was driving here. Thinks me pretty, sexy.
Perhaps its that we were not "in love." Neither of us could say to the other "I love you" because that wasn't the way it was. Fond of each other, yes. Also said we were not in a "committed" relationship - even though we had not dated anyone else. I did point out that I think he's a little controlling, too. For instance, he prefers me not wear makeup, and I had told him I would not wear it when we were by ourselves.
Seems clear to me that he's infatuated with this new lady. I've been there, done that. Infatuation is not "love."
Guess I'll grieve for a little, then think about looking again.
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 Hi there,
You handled everything with so much maturity that i had to note some few pointers in which i can use to advise people here. The greatest part of your posting is that you actually wish him all the best in his new relationship.It is very dissppointing i know i have had my fair share of it all. But you are indeed a genuine, lovely and understanding person and i know it wont be long before you meet the right guy who wouldnt want to leave you. This guy wasnt ready for someone like you who is very open, wants to please and learn from the relationship and most importantly thinks about the well-being of your partner. isnt that incredously then i dont know what the hell is wrong with him, he is perhaps not the serious type. Loads of relationship today is based on infatuation and when that is over they realise that they have lost the ones they love and sometimes it is already too late. I dont see how he could have gotten to know the other person in 3 days for him to make such a hasty decision to move into a relationship with her. Not to worry please dont give him a second glance even if he comes back and openly acknowledge that he wants to be with you and has made a mistake because the odds is that he will do that again.
My advise for now is that you should continue being yourself cheer up,go out and have fun. Dont worry and think about him no more just keep dating and dont give up or loose hope i am sure u will find someone for you.
Goodluck.
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