A
female
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anonymous
writes:I had a boyfriend of seven months. We split in june 08.He promised me the world told me he loved me and would never leave me and i thought that he meant every single word of everything he ever told me.I had never felt a love like it and feel i never will again. I felt it was something special.Any way 3 weeks before we split he started acting strangely and offish with me and wasnt bothered about seeing me anymore. I got fed up with this and asked him was everything ok. he then dumped me by text just saying he didn't want a gf. It broke my heart as I don't know why we ended.I have tried to talk to him and get back together and we have made love twice since we split.Now I know what a complete arsehole he is!He has been texting girls desturbing sickening sexual text massages to the point they have wanted to call the police! They are scared of him~!I hate him for this! nothing we ever had was special to him was it?How can someone change like this into a complete dickhead?He doesn't wash or shave. He acts weird and big headed and like he hates me! He is just an ultimate shit isnt he? How can I ever trust anyone again?I feel so used and abused and vulnerable!I hate myself now
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female
reader, Asked Angel +, writes (11 December 2008):
 I think you might have to keep an eye on him from a distance.If he needs/wants you help you can be there but please try not to get overly involved and let it take over you life.You may just have to move on.I know how hard that is when you have lost the person you loved it's almost like a grieving process for the person he was. Then a relization that what's left may be the person he is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts difficult, I just dont see how i could approach any of his family. He losy his mother when he was 21 which affected him and his dad has never got over her death either.
I have told some people who are friendly with him my worries and I think that is all that i can do for now, and just keep an eye out (from a distance) for him so that he isnt getting into to any trouble xx
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A
female
reader, Asked Angel +, writes (3 December 2008):
Could you talk to his parents and ask them if they have noticed any changes with him explain you are worried?Is there any mutual friends who can help him on your behalf?I understand totally why you want to help him but if he doesn't see he has a problem there may not be much you can do.When i talk to my ex about how he has been with people he really can't see that's he has done anything wrong.He was hit in the head which damaged his brain and changed his personility this is sometimes iriversable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs there any way in which i could get him help without him knowing it is me that has done it?
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A
female
reader, Asked Angel +, writes (3 December 2008):
The car accident could explain alot. I had an ex who was in a car accident and it COMPLETLY changed his personality. He lost a lot of friends and family because he turned into such a horrible person. He was not anything like that before.
If you suspect drugs this may also be a reson his behaviour has changed.
There was nothing they could do to help my EX his head was dameged after 2 years he is starting to get back to normal (whatever that is) but i no he will never be the same again.
But i still stand by my statement that you have done nothing wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe had a car accident in the march and hit his head but would not stay in hospital, after that he did start to act differently. push me away and not want to bother himself with me.
He told me until recently i was the best gf hes ever had and noone compares and that he wants to be on his own forever. i know this isnt normal talk. i have tried to tell people i dont think he is well.
I have started to wonder whether he is smoking cannabis as sometimes he is weird and on a high and offish with you and then other days he is fine.
i have been beating myself up for thinking good of him. because he was not this person beofre this accident!
I just feel so used and dirty now
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (2 December 2008):
 While I completely agree with the previous Aunts advice on taking the time to actually get to know someone I do want to consider something else here. You state that he had a radical and sudden change. I am concerned that something else may be going on here other than you just didnt know him that well yet. For that radical a change to happen so quickly ~he no longer practices good hygene, he is scaring other girls with his aggressive behaviour~ some outside influence may have happened. Perhaps he has come under the influence of drugs. Perhaps he has suffered some sort of mental scism. Did he hit his head and is suffering some sort of brain injury? You may not be able to do anything about it, but I do think it is possible something has happened to him.
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A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (2 December 2008):
 What you experienced happens all over the world sweetie. Its known as - getting to know someone. Everyone puts on their best self in the early days. Little by little the true self comes out, whether its good or bad.
It takes years sometimes to get to know someone. Just realize this is part of the process before you decide you can trust someone. You are correct not to trust someone the moment you meet them. Give a person time and after a while you will know what their character is.
Its impossible to ever know if we were special to them, as we have no real way to get inside someone's head and heart.
If it was special to you, that is what counts. At least he revealed his true self to you in a few months rather than a few years.
Some people are so good at hiding their character flaws that you don't find out until its way too late many years later.
But, don't think you can never trust anyone ever again. But as far as men go, always keep in mind that they tend to want one thing mostly, and will say anything to get a girl in bed.
Basically, don't rush into sex before you really know someone. It is unrealistic to think he is The One within the first few months.
Its not that men lie or become a jerk suddenly for no reason. Its all part of the romance game. You almost have to laugh sometimes that we allow ourselves to think they are so wonderful and perfect before we have the actual time to get to know them.
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A
female
reader, Asked Angel +, writes (2 December 2008):
Firstly don't hate yourself you have done nothing wrong. You will find real love again but that wasn't what you had with him. It couldn't have been because you didn't really no him.
I think you need some space and time to work through how you feel.
Eventually you will be able to trust again but please don't go rushing into another relationship when you feeling so confused and upset.
It's ok to feel angry and upset but don't take it out on yourself. You deserve better than him and you will find it when your really ready.
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