A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is a complicated situation… and this might be long because in order to understand the situation many details must be given out. This is the warning.My Gf and I have been together in a relationship for 7 years. We had many good times and many bad times. Started going out with her in high school (she is my first), and her parents didn’t know because they were strict. After a year of being together, she introduced me to her parents as a friend and they loved me. But as soon as they found out we were dating all hell broke loose. They started beating her and calling her names, it got so bad that she had to go to a foster home. I was there to support her and she wanted me to break up with her cause she was causing me lots of problem. I was unable to do so, as I felt guilt for bringing her to this situation and she had tried to commit suicide twice. I stayed and supported her, things eventually got better and she moved back in with her parents. They were still giving her a hard time and she told them we broke up on our 3rd year together. This whole ordeal took all the 2nd year.In the third year things went well between us and nothing was wrong. In the 4th year, her personality changed and became a lot frustrated with every lil thing I did. But I have been the same person she was with and had not changed much. Things that I have done before that didn’t bother her started bothering her (very lil things, like not seeing her that day because I had a lot of things planned (work, school, side jobs)). Tried spending more time with her, but still got the same results. I felt as though I needed to break up with her that she just didn’t need me anymore. But on our 5th year everything thing was good again. But not with me, that 4th year had taken it’s toll with me and I felt as though I was not feeling the same amount of love for her as I once had. It affected me a lot. I tried to break up with her but I couldn’t bear to go through it.We stayed together through the 5th with the thoughts suppressed in the back of my head. It didn’t affect me much as I convinced myself that this is a good relationship. We started talking about the future and kids and moving out together. Everything seemed perfect.Until the 6th year, when she told me she met a guy at work that she liked to talk to. At first I was ok with it, I thought it was just a new friendship (she usually tells me about her days and new friendships) I’m not the jealous type and I trusted her. Later that year she tells me that she is confused about us and she needs time to think. I figured it was because of this guy, and she admitted to it but nothing was going on. He just aroused feelings in her. I gave her her break (this was during our anniversary time), but she still kept calling me every day and wanting to do something for our anniversary. So the break was “delayed” but I was torn up inside. She needed to make a choice, and that choice did not seem obvious to me. After the anniversary I told her not to talk to me for a month to make her decision as it was tearing me up inside. She called or texted me every 2 days and after the month she told me that she wanted to be with me. But during that month I found myself tranquil as I did not have to stress about the relationship, I took her back anyways and thought that this should make our relationship stronger. She was still talking to me about the future and how much she loves me and kids.A few month later, someone had told me that they saw my gf holding hands with a guy… I was in disbelief, furious, sad, heart-broken but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I approached her about this and she confirmed it but she said that she didn't hold his hand only his arm. (Why would someone lie to me, she had every reason to but that person who told me I barely knew them, they had no reason to lie).I asked if she went to his place, she did but admits that she didn’t do anything (I couldn’t believe that). But she still wanted to be with me, She said she loved me and didn’t see her life without me. I still loved her and asked her to stop talking to him as a promise to so we can move on. She told me she couldn’t do that. She felt sorry for him, I was getting furious about this.How can she do this to me? How can she tell me she loves me and be with another person? Why didn’t she just stop talking to him? All these questions crossed my mind and I started resenting her. We were still in the relationship but barely spoke. Until she told me she stopped talking to him because he basically told her to go screw herself for choosing me over him. So I see this as me being her safety net. We are still together, but I am seriously considering ending it. It has been a few months that this happens and she acts as though nothing happened at all. Even more so she not even doing things out of her way to please me only spending extra few bucks her and there to make me feel better by buying me stuff.I wanna know what you think? This has been a long relationship and lots of plans have been made together, I feel that I have lost respect for her and every time she talk to me I have to withhold myself from yelling at her . She has changed but I don’t know if I’m with her because it’s comfort, love or fear of being alone. Please do not only judge for the last part as these past 7 years have been good and bad with her. Should I break up with her or do you think she will learn from her mistakes? As she is tells me she loves and wants to be with me and sees no one else in her life.Thank you for reading this and I appreciate your thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it seems that we broke up but i have all these feelings of guilt as it was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life :(.
I don't know what to do, Not sure if i wanna take her back
A
male
reader, guywithlove  +, writes (18 July 2009):
Man...dude...i have been in the same relationship ..it was 4 years...and i did all the amazing things a girl could ever think of...indeed i exceeded her expectations in terms of love, care, loyalty and respect...but we were at different places due to school and stuff and before just before out first anniversary i came to know she was talking to a guy who proposed her 5 months back and she was going places with him, watching movies...and stuff...i tried to ask her everything...she was a dream come true for me...and i was so so so much possessive about her that i started crying...she could not see me crying and said she didnt do anything.....and she is mine.......i even had fight with hat guy...later like a month after this all happened over her....i was so so down during this time period......and after it was all over with the other guy and she was with me again...i felt like i got my life back.....she was more amazing that earlier...out sex like got skyrocketed....we would make love 7-8 times in a row...she would completely surrender herself to me..and let me enjoy her as much as i wanted.........but trust once broken can not be repaired....so your gf might be spending money on u..u might be having amazing time with her....but this distrust thing shows up sooner or later...so i would advise u to think over it with relaxed mind..and look at both the positive and negative side of the things.....when i looked back....i could only look at the negative side and it was i would not be able to live without her.....i was so so much into her....she was my breath.....but things change with time....so best of luck!! and take a wise decision...if you wanna talk more..private mail me
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