A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HeyIve been on and off with a guy for over a year now. We split for a few months back in the summer, but got back together about 6 weeks ago. Things are fine there but its his sister. She is the same age as me. I only ever met her about 3 times but it was clear she didnt rate me. He says its nothing personal, she never likes anyone hes with and its because him having a girlfriend takes attention away from her. They have always been close. She started hanging around with his ex after he split with her, yet when he was with his ex his sister agrgued with her like cat n dog for 6 yrs! Anyway when we were together before the summer his sister stopped talking to him because he wouldnt cancel his plans with me and our kids to give her a lift somewhere. (she has been banned from driving for speeding and while we were split he was basically her taxi) After me and him split, she was back in touch with him again. When we got back together, she basically cut him off again. Shes been in the same room as him since and she just blanks him. Hes sent her some money in an xmas card, but refuses to creep to her. He says shes spoilt and hes not bowing to it.I think its a shame its come to this again. Ok if she doesnt think im good enough for him thats her choice but i feel bad i have played a part in them not being on talking terms anymore. Even if it was in an indirect way.Anyone any ideas on how they could sort this? Do you think one day she might come round and be ok with him again?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): I too suspect that there might be some history of sexual contact or a sex incident between this guy and his sister, because she is excessively jealous of his girlfriend. I suspect that this jealously might be sexual or borderline sexual in nature, because she seems to get really upset whenever her brother chooses to spend time with this woman instead of his sister.
So, have you asked your boyfriend why his sister hates every woman he dates, and why she is so jealous of them? Have you asked him if at any time during his life, he has had any kind of sexual relations with his sister, even if it's just oral sex or masturbation? Her jealously seems to be so intense and she takes it so personal when he chooses to spend time with you that I suspect there might be something sexual in their past....or even present.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): You sound like you feel responsible for her being such a bitch to him, and you think you are responsible for making it all better. But, it is not your fault, and there is nothing you can do. She is obviously an uppity bitch who thinks she deserves everything from everyone and eventually she will loose everyone around her because people generally won't put up with being treated that way. Just try to ignore it, and don't bring her up to him. However, you have not addressed the topic of them possibly having a sexual past? It may sound crazy but there have been quite a few posts about that on this site.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your input. You're all great.
No i dont have children with the guy. I have 2 and he has one, and they are of similar age and get on great. The final straw for his sister was when me and him were only mates during our split and, because the kids get on so well, we were taking them to the circus one sunday together. His sister txt asking for a lift back to work (just over a 2 hour round trip) my guy said thats fine but it will have to be about 6pm as we are taking the kids to the circus at 2 and they would be gutted if we let them down. That was when she told him to collect anything that was at hers and post her spare key he had through her letter box and to stay at mine rent free seeing as i mean more to him than the people that care about him. It was mad! She hasnt spoken to him since. I tried making it ok by getting him to txt her back saying we are only friends (at thay point) He didnt see why he should have to do that! But agreed to. but it was no good. She was too hacked off because he didnt drop his plans for her.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (20 December 2007):
 peoriaman Anti Social Behavior Orders are bad things here in Britian, basically for criminals, mostly youth.
As for the question asker i think you should let the sister stew in her own hatred.
Shes seems unstable and its not your fault how shes act and you should feel no guilt for what she does.
Shes caused her own family issues and should be the one responsible for fixing them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Who cares? You have kids with this guy, right? That's what's important, maintaining that relationship. It's not your fault or your problem. Sometimes in life, we just gotta say "screw em'" because you can't make everyone happy. Especially a person like her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCouncil estate, thats social housing. Not knocking that. Lots of folks did and do. Just basically saying she didnt have a particularly privaliged upbringing that would have her turn out so snobby and up herself. Thats my guys words not mine.
X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): The way his sister is acting doesn't make any sense to me. I think that there might some sexual, or borderline sexual, going on between this guy and his sister, or there might have been in the past. It sounds very unsual that when you and him split, he started going over to his sister's place a lot and spending a lot of time there. That doesn't make sense. It seems he would go out and try to find another woman to have a relationship with. And her wanting so much attention from him is VERY unusual. When a woman wants attention from a man, she normally would go out and flirt with men she finds attractive in hopes of finding a man she can have a relationship with.Have you asked him why they are so close and why she wants him to pay her so much attention? I mean, what is up with that? Why is she demanding so much attention from him instead of going out and flirting with other men?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts weird because his mum and dad dont know why she is the way she is either. She was brought up on a council estate and my guy and his parents are very down to earth people, she was the only one that decided she was better than everyone else (so my guy says) and is very career orientated. But she did have an abortion years ago, my guy thinks that might have affected her more than anyone realises. Even herself.
Maybe thats what it is.
I do think if she got a guy long term she would chill a bit too and be less attention seeking from her brother. Shes onyl 3 yrs off being 40. Surely she shouldnt need him with her all the time. When we split he spent a lot of time with her stopping at hers, then we got back together and she told him if he preferred spending time with me, then prehaps he should move in with me rent free! All very childish. More like you expect from a jealous girlfriend :oS
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): I'm not sure about this, but do you sense that the tension between your BF & his sister might be sexual in nature? The reason I ask is that it is unusual for a girl to be jealous of her brother's girlfriends, yet you said she never likes anyone he's with. Also, if they have always been close, and she is so jealous of any woman he has a relationship with, it makes me wonder if there might have been some kind of sexual experience between them. I think it is very unusual for a woman to be possessive with her brother. Women usually only get possessive with men if there is a sexual relationship between them and another woman enters the picture. The GF then sees the new woman as competition for the dominant male in her life. How old are your BF and his sister? Have you ever asked why they are so close?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): She might start talking again - but that's her problem though. Your fella should stand his ground and not let her decide what's right and what's not as far as his private life is concerned. It's her loss.
Maybe she needs to find herself a man to occupy her mind.
Good on him for not cutting her off completely though. She'll always be his sister and blood is thicker than water, or so they say. He's doing exactly what I would do.
Don't feel bad about the situation. It's plainly not your fault, and I totally agree with peoriaman with his answer.
Phil
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think he has tried that more than once in the past. She hasnt got any kids and doesnt last too long with guys because she is very hard to get on with my boyfriend says.
She isnt willing to budge an inch on things, she is always right in her eyes.
Its such a shame though, i do miss a past relationshp i had for 9 yrs when i got on great with the guys sisters. Would of liked that again but i know nothing is perfect ey.
Hes being as stubborn as her at the moment though just saying hes not going to do anymore. She will have to make the first move and thats gonna have to be to appologise forst off.
Thanks Peoriaman
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