A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so my boyfriend got into a "rebound" 1 month later after we broke up maybe even before then. So two months into his new relationship we became friends and he just made out with me.So hes already cheated on this new girl only 2 months in, do you think this relationship will last?Another thing is-hes so hot and cold with me one minute he hates me the next he is crawling back to me.Like just a couple weeks ago he said "I dont have feelings for you anymore im tryin to make this relationship work"Basically i have no desire to get him back after all this bullshit but isnt he kind of in denial? Hes already cheated on her if he was committed to making it work he would have done so.Anyways hes really nice to me one minute and then really cruel the next. Does anyone know what this means?And how is this new relationship going to last when its already started out with infedelity.
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 Not your concern. He's your ex. Time to move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo sick-He was my boyfriend for much longer than he has been hers. and he iniciated a kiss with me.Im over him and am not trying to win him back, and i never made him feel guilty for kissing me. I just dont understand why he would have done it.Oldersister-I think hes in denial about the way he feels about her all of sudden he wants to get back with me makes out with me and just a week later hes so committed to making it work with her. Maybe not denial but he is definately confused about what he wants by being hot and cold like i said but it was for about a year and half but we had contributing factors to the stress in our relationship girls always tried to break us up. And claimed he made out with them while we dated, i never believed that until he just did it with me to his new girlfriend. But after we kissed he said..i could have never done that to me and that he felt like a horrible person and even started crying i dunno wat that was about. But basically i think he is with a new girl for attention and admiration and she is only 17 and he is older so i think he likes all the attention as its probably her first time falling in love so she most likely adores him but in a way i dont think he has that same adoration for her he seems to be "faking" his way along until he is completely over me. And just saying he is over me and doesnt have feelings for me anymore outloud or in his head doesnt make it anymore true i think he does that as a way to tell himself that, he hasnt talked to me since then i dont plan on contacting him-i think either he will get really hurt or she will but right now i think he needed a distraction from me so much that he had to transfer his feelings just so he wouldnt feel a lose. I think he is terribly unhappy but by telling himself everyday he is or not feeling likes hes lost anything because all hes done is replace it. I also think that hes going to come to realize shes not the real object of his affection.I've looked this up, and it says it happens many times to someone who gets in a rebound they move quickly and "transfer" the feelings they have for there ex onto the new person, and that the feelings are in fact very strong and very intense but there focused on the incorrect person, and then eventually one day the person gets like a lightbulb go off and they realize "This isnt really the person i feel this way for" and i think thats what he is doing. I've basically had this REALLY bad feeling about it since the beginning and i think its just because i care for him but wouldnt take him back, i just have a really bad feeling either she will hurt him to no end and then he'll know karma does exist or he is really going to hurt her as i dont think its her he really loves and is bound to "fall out of love" with her quickly. And this will leave her very hurt and she might hurt him with words or things more than i did when we broke up. Either way i just have a bad feeling about it.But my real question was hes already started out cheating on her, is taking things way to fast with her..he had no time to think about it he just acted on it wasnt really sure it was what he wanted but now he knows he is basically stuck, so there was no real thought put into it so how can it last, and with him cheating.Thanks for the advice and opinions. And to marieclaire-I think you misunderstood he said that to me about me and prob says it to his new girlfriend.Either way i know him VERY WELL its almost kind of scary, but anything really painful or anything that has happened in his life he pushes away until one day he breaks. He pretends he doesnt care about it, that theres no pain, etc. Then one day something happens and he goes into a deep depression i guess u could say, about it. I dont want him back as i havent contacted him in about a month and dont plan to even if he calls.
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A
female
reader, sick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
why do you want to know? to begin with you shouldn't be making out with someone else's boyfriend. obviously you are not over him and you need reassurance that your not wasting your time trying to win him back.to be honest, i don't think he loves you or her. he's not worth the competition. as for you, i don't think you love him either. if you really did, you wouldn't put him in a position were he'd fee guilty doing something wrong. if you love him, you should be willing to wait.
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