A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a problem with affection. It's not constant but sometimes he'll freeze up and not want to be touched. He knows where it stems from but is clueless how to move past it (and therapy is not a financial option right now). He got very emotional and told me he wants to move past it and wishes he could be as more loving towards me but he doesn't know how. I know it does stem from his family (his parents divorced when he was very young) as do many things that cause problems in the relationship but seems afraid to seek help. He always says "I seen counselors before, it didn't help". I personally think he's afraid of trying to change because he's afraid of failing. Has anyone dealt with this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (8 May 2007):
If you're willing to risk the relationship and become his willing ear on which he can spill his guts, you may be what he needs.
But be prepared to live the saying that familiarity breeds contempt, and getting to know him that well may risk your relationship, possibly your friendship, and disrupt your dynamics as a couple.
Personally, I think it may be best to get professional counseling as a couple. It may be that individual counseling didn't help him, but having you there with him, and participating in helping him overcome his issues with the help of a therapist may do the trick and strengthen your relationship.
(If he is university, most universities provide counselors who can help.)
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