A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I dated this one guy for two years and a year and a half of that time was utter hell for me. Though I didn't know I was actually being abused until just a couple months ago. Since then, I broke up with him because he eventually cheated on me and I caught him in the act. Anyways, he verbally/emotionally and sometimes would physically abuse me. After a while, I started believing that I was as worthless and useless and stupid and crazy as my ex claimed I was. Many of my friends, including a guy who has a certain interest in me told me I deserve so much better than his pathetic and abusive ass. But of course, I made up excuses to stay with him. It was horrible. The entire thing. I felt like there was no escape and because I wasn't accepted at any major universities, I was (and still am) stuck in this no-opportunity hell-hole! But the abuse is over and I have to say, I feel so much happier. I'm hanging out with that guy who has an interest me and I can't believe I didn't pick up on his advances before!Anyways, I'm telling you all this in regards to one of my best chick friends. I went through the exact same thing she's going through right now and she just won't listen to a damn word I say to her! I just want to know how I can get through to her so she doesn't do anything stupid. Like, marry the guy. That would be a total nightmare and I would be the maid-of-honor. I don't think I could do that because of the guy she's currently dating. He and my ex are hell in human form and she does not see it. She deserves so much better, she really does. And I want to help her but she will not listen! Any suggestions? Please help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): There is nothing that you are going to do to change her mind in the same way that there is nothing that she could have done to change yours. She is just going to, hopefully, open her eyes one day like you did yours. I would not suggest you start to lecture her though, she will think that you are trying to say that you are better or smarter then her now that you have new boyfriend. This will only make her feel an even greater need to defend the one she has. The best you can do for her is just be there to listen. I use to be in a very abusive relationship and my friends received many phone calls from me in the middle of the night crying about what he did this time, they eventually started to avoid me. I don't think the were bad friends, it is just that they were tired of seeing me get hurt. The only advise they could give me was "leave him" and this of course was not what I wanted to hear. Once I realized that I had nobody left to turn to and cry to, it only made me cling to him all the more. Even if you have to take a million of those middle of the night phone calls and even if it breaks your heart everytime, just know that you are making a difference in her life by letting her know that you are never more then a phone call away. It's all you can do.
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (3 February 2009):
 I like the anonymous answer, I'd go with that
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Tell her you don't want to be the maid of honor, because of him. Maybe if she knows that she is losing one of her best friend because of him, she might start to realize that maybe he is as bad as you put him to be. If you can, try talking to him, and warn him about not hurting her. If it really becomes serious get her parents involved, if possible. If she is going to marry the guy, her parents should know who she is marrying.
Your best bet is try talking to her, and be as serious as possible when talking to her. Let her know, how very serious you are about how bad of a man he is. If she is really your friend, she will pick you over him.
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