A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in relationship with an American girl who happens to be 5 years younger than me. It's been one since we got off to a start and we both seem to be clicking well. However, I am faking too much in front her. The way I talk , the way I walk , the way I stand and my eye contacts and movements all is nothing but fake. I have told her everything about myself but not these aspects of my personality . Even my face expressions are fake when I try imposing myself on her. When she rings me up, I pick up the phone late to pretending that I am busy person and has got some important work to do that's why I pick up her phone late. Even my sense of humor is fake and also smile . My friends say I should win Oscar for being such a brilliant actor 24/7. I am doing this just to make her chase me instead of me doing the chasing. And she does chase me which makes me feel as if I am the most special person in this world but now I am feeling tired of being such a fake person 24/7. What should I do to get rid of this without letting her know? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 August 2011):
 Depends on what kind of "fake" you're being.
If you're, say, married, or a woman, or gay, then I'd say that you're sunk and she shouldn't be with you in the first place.
However, what you're describing here sounds like you think that the real you isn't good enough for anything but to be alone. The problem with this is that it's circular and self defeating. Let me explain:
You don't feel good enough, so you fake things, so the woman you are interested in becomes interested back, and then you get frustrated by the fact that she's not interested in the real you, so you either spill it outright or slip up, then she rejects you, then you don't feel good enough. Ta da.
I don't believe for one second this crap about you doing this to make her chase you. That's also fake, and a baldfaced lie. You're being fake because you'll think she'll run away from the real you, and you want to pass as this debonair lady's man so that she'll idolize you, thus you get your ego stroked.
Problem is, you've fallen for her, and you know that her affections aren't really for you. Here's a news flash -- depending on how long you've been dating her, she's already starting to see right through you, and now you're feeling the fire on your heels.
I'd suggesst you drop the act and let the chips fall where they may. Don't make a speech to her about how fake you've been acting. Simply be yourself. If you've lied about things you like or have done (i.e. jobs, accomplishments, etc.), you will have to come clean to her if you want any shot at a real relationship.
However, to have any hint of a chance, you're going to have to do something which I know utterly terrorizes you beyond anything else imaginable. You have to open yourself up, meaning you'll have to tell her you've put on an act because you wanted to impress her, or her to like you. You're afraid she'll reject the real you, and this is the way of protecting your heart.
So will you be brave for the first time in your life and step out at the real you, or will you continue this sad charade, have her dump you, and then feel less than worthy?
Time to start liking yourself....not this romanticized image you've been nurturing. I bet the real you is far more interesting and wonderful than the fake act. Time to be brave and try it out.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (14 August 2011):
 you need to be able to be happy with your real self. now that you have created this character, i suppose all you can do is just drop the fakisms gradually. one thing at a time. lots of people are a little fake in relationships at first coz they want to impress the other person so much, then as the relationship gets older and more familiar they can relax and be themselves more
x
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A
female
reader, tinkytinkers +, writes (14 August 2011):
hiya i think the best way is be yourself im sure she will like you the way you are if not then shes being unreasonable.
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