A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 23 and I have an issue with my best friend. A brief insight:We've met almost a year ago and since we had so many things in common we became best friends almost instantly. I'm bisexual and he is not sure about his sexuality yet but he thinks he's bisexual too. We talk about everything and we are very close. We have even fooled around sexually. One of the things we have in common is that both of us had 'recovered' from a bad experience with an ex-best friend (not the same one) that scarred us and we promised ourselves that we wouldn't separate from each other and that we would be BFFs. The thing is this: He recently met another guy and they have become very friendly. He has told me he feels attracted to the guy and I'm very happy for him. I've told him to get to meet the guy and enjoy spending time with him but he told me that it was hard for him to get to know the guy because he didn't wanted to hurt me and he told me he couldn't have both of us in his life and he wanted to preserve the friendship we had. I told him that I didn't mind that, that he should stop talking nonsense because we were best friends and that he could be friends with him or with any other guy without any problems. I thought I didn't mind that, but I've been feeling pretty bad about it. He always talk about him with a broad smile on his face and I can only pretend to be happy for him because I feel like I'm losing his friendship and it hurts me a lot. I've talked about that with him and he just states and promises me that he would never leave me, that I'm his best friend and that he loves me. I told him that I feel like I'm being selfish but he says I'm just concerned, that I have nothing to worry about. I've even had nightmares about it. I really want to trust in his promises but everything seems so similar to the relationship I had with my ex-best friend (including the promises). I really don't want to lose him nor experience the pain of losing a friend again.My question is: Is it okay for me to feel so insecure? What can I do to stop hurting? How can I regain my strength to trust him again?Please help!Thanks in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): Great! It sounds like you have worked it out well. There is the possibility that he is just not bi-sexual and didn't feel comfortable with the situation. A lot of people who aren't really that way do experiment with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for your answer! I talked to him about it and he understood my feelings. We decided to stop the whole 'friends w/ benefits' thing we had going on and started to take things slowly. I'm focusing now on what I have in front of me (studies, family and stuff) and things are working better for us. We are still best friends, we still hang out and enjoy spending time together but with different priorities.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2009): He HAS been honest of you but inconsiderate of your feelings by speaking of him with a broad smile. It's over. Don't pursue a friendship; it isn't possible for you. The faster you get involved with other activities, etc. (not another male yet), the better you will feel in time.
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