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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been with my husband for 15 years and married for 11 of them. for a long time i wasn't sure what i was feeling but lately i am not sure if i still love him or not but am not sure. there is no hatred or malice just no feelings any more. how can i tell. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2006): I am in absolutely the same situation. I've been with my husband for 17 years, married 11. I have a daughter with him, along with a daughter from a past relationship and custody of my neice. I would love to leave this life behind and start over (not necessarily with a new parnter). But i get overwhelmed with guilt about leaving him with the kids. He is a great husband, provider, keeps me safe, and i have security. The thought of losing what i have worked at building for the past 17 years scares me to death. I cannot continuing hating myself and my life, because i am too afraid to start over. I have made the decision to leave the house in hopes to fall back in love with him and grow to appreciate him again.Its very hurtful to him because he just doesn;t understand. A friend of his explained to him that he shouldn;t try to understand he should just try to be understanding. I cannot go on living in this house feeling depressed and miserable and trapped. I need to go out there and see what my life might be missing and that is the same advise i would give to you. Next week, i move out. My husband and i are going to take it slow and start dating each other all over again.. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2005): You sound "indifferent" about your husband/marriage and you have to be careful...because when this feeling creeps in-it means your marriage is of no meaning to you. In other words, the honeymoon is over and perhaps, you don't care. Sadly, for many people marriage is a place where indifference can really cut loose, for we can often treat those closest to us poorly. I think you both need to rebuild and the only way is marriage counseling. You need renewal and when renewal happens in a marriage, it is a kind of a honeymoon, but with new level of wisdom, self-knowledge, knowledge of the loved one and acceptance of each other. All old marrieds will tell you both that this is where the marriage really begins. Most couples will agree it is a life-long continual process and darn hard work. But you'll never get there until you learn ways to to re-establish love and respect. I look at this way, you are still with him so there has to be some 'sliver' of committment still lurking about. Give the marriage counselor a try-before you even think of ending this. I wish you both well...it's not a happy place to be. Stay strong and good luck.
Hugs, Irish
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