A
female
age
51-59,
*ubblette
writes:O.K I'M the other woman and I want the other woman (the girlfriend) to find out about us. This way it will put the man in the spot to make a decision. I don't want her to see something that will hurt her, I just want her to be informed, the man you think is completely honest and has never given you a reason to distrust him is full of shitttt. I know it sounds crappy I acknowledge that completely, but we are going to keep at this forever and I want him to decide. I want him he wants both. Any mature ideas that wont implicate me as the informant? He would be mad if he knew I had something to do with it. Just as I wrote that I really heard it for the first time.THIS IS A CRAPPY LOVE SITUATION I'M IN, SERIOUSLY... HELP I REALLY LOVE THIS GUY... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I'm sorry, I'm confused... why exactly do YOU want him? A man who lies, cheats, etc.? Call me crazy, but I don't get it...You know, there's a saying... be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. I had a friend who married a man she "stole" from another woman. She confessed that it was the worst mistake she ever made in her life because he can't take 2 steps out the door without her wondering what he's doing and who he's doing it with, and they fight all the time because she can't trust him... and she can't trust him because she knows he's a cheater... after all, that's how she got him. So, again, i ask... why do you want him for yourself? So that when you're with him and then first time he's out for 5 minutes longer than he should've been, or the first time he doesn't pick up the phone when you call, or when he starts acting kind of funny you can have sleepless tearful nights wondering where he is and who he's with and what they're doing? And when he finally comes home, you can start bitching at him demanding to know what's going on? And instead of that stopping his behavior it makes it increase more since you're acting like less a fun mistress but more like a wife? And then one day some girl will come to you, or mail you a letter or someone will confirm your greatest fears to you? And then you'll feel like crap when he discards you like an old pair of shoes? And you start to think of all the time wasted with him that could've been spent on a better man but your self esteem is so shot down you don't know if you could possibly start again with someone new?*This* is the kind of existence you want for yourself? Well, good luck with that then.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I like Annalisa's response. Be honorable and let her know what's been going on (she has the right to know...otherwise, he'll keep taking advantage and keep playing behind her back, so long as he can get away with it), then exit from his life yourself. She has a right to know. I have been suspecting of my fiance for some time now, and I wish if there is "another woman", that she would come forward to me and let me know. I feel I need to know once and for all if anything's going on, and that I have a right to know if anything's been going on.I will post my dilemma under a new question so I can get feedback from you all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): You will hurt everyone involved, but I agree that his wife should find out what kind of lying, cheating, dishonest man that she is going to bed with every night, she will be cooking his supper looking out for him and everything else that goes with marriage, yet he is sneaking around lying to her, making her wait when he is with you, YOU should get out while you can as he will do it again and again and his wife should know what she is married too, she deserves the chance to meet someone who wouldn't treat her this way.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): it would appear that you are a person who suffers from low self esteem .you call the guy no good but you want to be with him .deep down you probably believe you deserve him or that you can't do any better than him .take steps to improve your self esteem and you will probably not want to be in this situation .these situations can seem hopeless when you are in the middle of them . i hope you can find some happiness but i doubt this situation will have a happy result if you carry out your plandon't do anything to force the situation with the other parties . go and get some counselling / professional help and maybe a fresh perspective will give you clarity i know things can be difficult when you are older as a lot of complicating factors come into it . i wish you luck and happiness in your quest for love
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): I agree with everyone, it is not your place to hurt this other women. I am sure there are signs that he has been cheating and she is hoping that he will stop cheating someday.The truth if his girlfriend truly made him happy he would not be messing with you also. He will always have this emptiness within him. If you leave him trust me it will be a matter of time before he goes and finds another women for the side.
...............................
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (23 November 2008):
 " I just want her to be informed, the man you think is completely honest and has never given you a reason to distrust him is full of shitttt."Those are your words. I would really have a deeper look at them and before thinking with your emotions, which i know can be hard, think about the future.If you actually succeed with his partner knowing about the two of you and say this works in your favour where he chooses you. Do you really want this man? Do you really want to live with someone you know is capable of this type of deception? Do you have any self respect and sense of self worth that you are willing to live with a man you know could easily cheat on you?Say your plan goes ahead and your partner finds out it was you who informed his first partner. Do you really think he will be happy that you spoilt his fun? That you put him between a rock and a hard spot and are forcing him to make a decision? I highly doubt that he will look kindly on this and would most likely drop you for it, but again you have to ask yourself why you would want a man with such low behaviors?Honestly, The choice is obviously yours. If you can live with the worry that he may not be faithful, that he could one day break your heart, then by all means do what you must. Personally this is a super bad idea. Its super bad that you hooked yourself up with someone elses partner and personally bad you want to hurt this person more than you already have done. It is a horrible idea to be the instigator of a decision like this because your lover will more than likely resent you for placing them in that place and I would, no matter how much I loved him and no matter how much I cared, bail out of this relationship to find someone I could trust, not worry about and know for a fact would be dedicated to me and only me.Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Pierre Teilhard De Chardin said: " No change brings happiness unless the way it is effected involves ascent. The happy man is therefore the man who, withut any direct search for happiness, inevitably finds joy as an added bonus in the act of forging ahead and attaining the FULLNESS and finality of his OWN SELF".
Herman Melville: " We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and along these fibers, as sympathetic threads, our ACTIONS run as causes, and they come back as effects".
and
In closing, an Anonymous saying:
"There are none so blind as they who will not see".
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): I suppose you are unhappy because he is not with you all the time. It must be hurting you to know that he has a girlfriend.He has not broken up with her on his own accord, surely that must be indicating to you that uou are not the number one person in his life and it must hurt to play second fiddle. However, to try and hurt the other woman will not be fair and your anger and revenge is towards the wrong person.
If you think realistic and are honest with yourself, you are hurting and are humiliated because of him. He is the person doing this to you, but you are allowing him to take advantage.
I suggest you tell him that you deserve better. That you are not prepared to be the "other woman" and that you don't want to share your life with a cheater. Don't listen to his stories and excuses. Think about yourself and your future. You deserve somebody that makes you the most important person and to whom you are priority number one.
Don't be so desperate to settle for somebody else's left overs. I know this might sound harsh, but think carefully this is what you have now. Telling her will not change your situation and will only make you feel more wrotten. No, be kind to yourself, vent your anger to him and send him away.Let him go crawl back to wherever he comes from.
You are helping him and you know what how will you feel if one day in years to come your partner does that to you? How will you feel towards the "other woman" if you know she was aware of your relationship?
No, it is time that women stand together and stop giving cheaters the opportunity to do so.
You will find somebody that will value and appreciate you, somebody that you don't have to share.
Be strong and don't do something that you will regret in years to come. Keep your dignity...lift your head high and move forward.
Best wishes and keep us posted.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 November 2008):
So you tell her, get slapped in the face and covered in your drink...
Then she kicks him out and sets fire to his car.
His comfortable life is thrown into chaos and who is he going to blame? You.
He is not going to say "oh darling, my mind had been made up for me by force, all my friends have taken my ex's side and now hate me! How wonderful!"
You are choosing to chase a man who as you so rightly say "is full of shit."
Even if you got to be the full time girlfriend, how long do you think it's going to be before he finds a replacement for you and has a bit on the side.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): This plot that you planing is really terrible, and very selfish. first you involve with a man, knowing that he has a girlfriend, how do you know her by the way? Your man is not being very carefull. It's really not up to you to deside if the 'other woman' should know that her man is full of s..t. You inerfering in their relationship from the very beginning, and now want to take initiative in changing their lives. if he wanted to be only with you he would make that desision, but his desision right now is to keep you both.
You know ahead of time that he will be mad at you, if he found out, but stil planning to do it. That shows no respect for him. Your behaviour lacks maturity, despite your age, sound like it's teenage melodrama. i would advice you just leave at alone, if you care for a guy. There is no 'mature' way in your actions if you deside to proceed.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Hi I think you want this woman out of your mans life, I can understand that, BUT this is not the way to go about it.
i think you should wait and see who he naturally chooses. That way it happens as natually as possible. If you force his hand so to speack, he might make a decision to stay eith you because his other woman has kicked him out or whatever. And then you would always think he was with you because she kicked him out, do u see where Im coming from??
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Yes it certainly is a "crappy situations"
There is no painless way to do what your proposing. You would be hurting the most innocent person in this whole mess! It is up to you to be mature and responsible to this woman...to all womankind (sorry if that sounds slightly melodramatic) It's always the other woman who enabel these "dogs" to cheat and get away with it! I understand things happen and one thing leads to another...and before you know it your in deeper than you had planned!
But how can you even consider hurting this poor woman with your plan to get what you want? Are you serious?!?
It's up to you to figure out what you want to do...but leave her out of it!!!! You grow a backbone, and confront the cheater! Let him know it's either you or her! Give him your ultimatum, I and accept the consequencs with dignity and self-respect. But please, I beg you don't invlve this innocent, unsuspecting woman!
He may chose to say with his present girlfriend, but consider his reaction if he found out what a mean and underhanded scheme you've come up with! You'd most likely lose him anyway. And if you do confront him with an ultimatum, and he does chose you, it will be him hurting her, and he's a dog anyway...he's used to hurting woman...and by the way if you should end up with this guy...be prepared for your own pain and suffering!
How can woman have any respect for men who cheat??? I don't understand it!
Please consider what you are contemplating for a long time and THINK...THINK...THINK!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): while its hard and somewhat impossible to choose who you love, it is in your control to choose who you stay with. you obviously see that this guy is full of crap and is selfish to want to keep you both. if he truly loved you, he would have left his girlfriend a long time ago. and if you both had self-respect you would never have gotten involved with each other knowing full well that he was already with someone else. my advice to you, stop worrying about the girlfriend and his decision. start worrying about the fact that you even want a guy like that in the first place. his girlfriend will realize the kind of man he is eventually, people's true colors always come out in the end. but until that happens, you need to realize that this guy is no good for you. if he truly loved you the way he should, he would have never allowed you to be the other woman in the first place. he would have left his girlfriend to be with you rather than string you along so he could have his cake and eat it too. i know its hard, and im truly not trying to be harsh. i know you cant choose who you love, and you care about him alot, but you should always love yourself more and do what is best for you. and hun, hes obviously not it. before you go telling the girlfriend, you need to leave this guy and find someone who is willing to devote himself completely to you. you deserve better than half of someone's love.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): while its hard and somewhat impossible to choose who you love, it is in your control to choose who you stay with. you obviously see that this guy is full of crap and is selfish to want to keep you both. if he truly loved you, he would have left his girlfriend a long time ago. and if you both had self-respect you would never have gotten involved with each other knowing full well that he was already with someone else. my advice to you, stop worrying about the girlfriend and his decision. start worrying about the fact that you even want a guy like that in the first place. his girlfriend will realize the kind of man he is eventually, people's true colors always come out in the end. but until that happens, you need to realize that this guy is no good for you. if he truly loved you the way he should, he would have never allowed you to be the other woman in the first place. he would have left his girlfriend to be with you rather than string you along so he could have his cake and eat it too. i know its hard, and im truly not trying to be harsh. i know you cant choose who you love, and you care about him alot, but you should always love yourself more and do what is best for you. and hun, hes obviously not it. before you go telling the girlfriend, you need to leave this guy and find someone who is willing to devote himself completely to you. you deserve better than half of someone's love.
...............................
|
