A
male
age
36-40,
*k06
writes:I hope that the moderators still publish this, being that it's not a sexual love relationship.I am currently a Biological Sciences major at the University of Nebraska. Along with my biology courses, I must take chemistry. Chemistry at the university is very very difficult and requires a lot of time. I am in a chemistry class with three friends. We have weekly online assignments that take forever. I have found myself doing the work while my friends do the other things that we all used to do together, I opt out because my priotities require me to put my studies first. It seems that they always want help with the assignments at the last minute. They never help me out, so if I help them, they get a better grade than me without doing any work (because I miss a few questions trying to figure out the correct formulas). I know that I should tell them no, but I don't know how.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 February 2008):
 Poster, Macchiavelli wrote a hell of a truth a long time ago. He wrote that, if the Prince has to choose whether to be loved or to be feared, he has to choose to be feared, just taking care not to be despised. He wrote that people are not afraid to do nasty things to people who love them. The reason is, people know that eventually they will be forgiven by the person who loves them. On the other hand, people are very careful not to mess with someone who might do them harm. That is because this person won't let them get away with it. There is a real threat if you hurt a person who can do you harm.
So, the sad truth is that you need to be assertive with everyone, the people you love included. An occassional braggart is someone you will meet once in your lifetime and that will be it. What happens if you can't be assertive with your mother, your father, your wife, your kids? You see them all the time, you know. It is sad, but your family is very likely to walk over you if you let them. So do your friends. I'm afraid that, if you don't find a way to be assertive, you'll have plenty of "friends" who will only want to get something from you, and then will get rid of you.
My opinion is that you should be assertive. It takes time and courage, but you can do it.
A
male
reader, rk06 +, writes (20 February 2008):
rk06 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I must add that the assignments aren't group assignments or projects. They are assignments online that allow a certain number of missed answers. A lot of people collaborate to test out different ideas. One person gets 4 attempts. If two people collaborate, then 4(4)= 16... and so on.I am generally very assertive, I am actually training to become an officer in the military. I find it hard to be assertive towards the ones that I love.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (20 February 2008):
I fully agree with Bemused. I just would add that all you need to do is say "no".
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 I read one thing into your question loud anc clear dear...you need to be more assertive. Assertive means taking care of the things you need and setting boundaries if need be. You have established a pattern..a pattern where you are willing to bend a little here, bend a little there to kowtow to your friends and dont they know it. It is tough to exercise those assertive muscles if you are not accustomed to it but it can be done.
Some practical tips. Can you switch partners for the chem assignment. Can you switch into another class. Inform your friends that you have a 'conflict of interest' in working with them. This is nicely assertive and does not leave an opening where they can criticize you.
You are entitled, in fact it is a good idea to have fun in your university years. Perhaps with different partners in your projects...this can happen. Stand up for yourself and expect respectful behaviour from others...people treat you the way you present yourself. Good luck hun
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