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female
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anonymous
writes:I was 8 weeks pregnant until 2 days ago I lost the baby. Inside I feel so sad and desperately lonely. This is because I dont know how to tell my boyfriend I have lost our baby.I am in a LDR with my bf whos in the military. We have been together since January. I am totally in love with him but he wasnt totally the same way about me. He often lied, messed me about and I have a suspicion that he cheated. When I found out I was pregnant, we were going through a rocky patch and I knew I was about to lose him. At first I considered not telling him and having an abortion. But in the end I knew it was his right to know, and that he would most probably tell me to get an abortion anyway. So I told him and to my suprise he was overjoyed. We discussed it for days and in the end decided to keep the baby and stay together, with him trying harder at our relationship and stop messing me about. We told our parents. He put a transfer in at work to be moved closer to home and we even started to look for a place together. I had never been so happy. I had never seen him so happy either. It was a complete change in him, like he had changed into another person. He had even thought of baby names. And then on Friday the worst happened. My bf is away on a course and the pain I was feeling I knew I was losing the baby. I went to hospital and the doctors confirmed the worst. My life has just collapsed around me and I am in pieces. Yet the thing Im dreading is telling him. Because he is away, I would need to tell him over the phone and I just cant make the call. I know he will be devastated. Not only that but Im terrified of losing him for good now. The baby brought us together and closer, and he changed in such a good way. Now we have nothing Ive lost our baby and I know Im going to lose him. How can I tell him. And I want him to stay with me.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 i'm sorry you had a miscarriage, that must be incredibly hard to go through alone. However, I am with aunt_honesty on this one. It sounds like your relationship was rocky at best and a baby would only strain it further, not fix it.
The very fact that you are terrified to tell him you had a miscarriage shows that you know that this baby is pretty much the only thing holding your relationship together and a relationship cannot survive on those grounds alone.
I suggest you try to take this time to repair the relationship between the two of you, not the relationship between him and the possibility of being a dad. If he can't continue to love you and be supportive and wonderful without a pregnancy, he is not someone you should be having kids with or someone who ever cared about you in the first place. Don't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you, not someone who will do anything to get his picture perfect fantasy life?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 October 2011):
 I am very sorry that you are going through something this awful all by yourself. I understand how hard it is going to be for you to call him and tell him, but yes I agree you need to tell him soon before news gets around. But the only person that this news should come from is you. Yes I know it will be hard telling him over the phone, but it needs to be done so you need to get as much strength as you can and pick up the phone. He should be told about this before you tell anybody else.
I know you are going through a hard time at the moment and I sympathise with you really I do but am going to be honest with you. A baby does not fix a relationship. By the sounds of it you where both in serious trouble before the news of this baby. He lied to you, didn't treat you well and you feel he was cheating on you. Off course the news of a baby would make him want to settle down and be the best dad that he could, but cracks would have started showing in the relationship believe me, a baby makes a relationship harder it doesn't fix it and it would have showing down the line.
You yourself felt that you would probably get an abortion or him to ask you to get one because you both where not in a good place. You both need to work on your relationship now and until you are both happy in the relationship don't try for any more children. You both need to put the effort in towards it now. Hopefully it works out for the both of you.
You say deep down in your heart you know you are going to lose him now that you have lost the baby. If this is what you truly believe well then that means you think the only reason he was with you was because of the baby. Believe me this is not healthy at all and it would never have worked believe me. If he finishes with you now over this well then he does not deserve you and you can do so much better than that. But who knows he might shock you.
Please don't delay this any more pick up the phone right now and break the sad news to him. The longer you leave it the harder it will get believe me. Good Luck and God Bless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): So sorry - its awful isn't it,losing a baby.If it was me I would want him home - isn't there some sort of Personnel in the Forces you can contact,that could break the news to him,face to face, or send him home so you can tell himFailing that what about telling his Mum, talking to her first would help, or your Mum. He needs to know and you need him with you.Do something ASAP before 'gossip' reaches him before you do.Good luck XX
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male
reader, Thelaird1 +, writes (16 October 2011):
 I'm sorry about the baby. I know exactly how you must feel.
However, it is important that you tell him straight away. He does need to know and you will both need to support each other. This could even bring you closer together.
I know you must feel destroyed and I would suggest speaking to a professional to help you to deal with it,
This just wasn't the right time for you, but you have your whole life ahead of you and healthy pregnancies will soon follow, I promise you that
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