A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:I am single man attracted to a lady with 3 kids. I have not dated her yet but have been talking with her off and on for about 6 weeks now.I have mentioned to her that kids are resilent and they are good to have around sorta my way to let her know that her kids are OK with me for they are part of the package. Anyway, today I thought I would give her a compliment on her blonse/shirt she was wearing and told her I thought it was pretty. She didn't say thank you but made mention she had the same blonse/shirt before but it was loss and she now went a bought another one.I was wondering if she felt uncomfortable with me giving her the compliment and her not thanking me for it sorta a way for her to say I am not interested in you in that way as in dating or am I wrong to think this?I wanted her to feel I noticed her style instead of telling her more sexual compliment at this stage. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, you have been very helpful and now at least I know where I made my mistake.
As far as I could see she had on new clothes so I am sure she was feeling her best.
Love
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 March 2010):
It honestly does look like she's lost interest for now. I think perhaps she feels she gave you a chance to pursue her and you didn't take it? Us over 30's don't often make the first move. Although in the past I have avoided guys I liked if I wasnt looking my best too. Oh well, sorry it didn't work out with this one ... All the best with the next!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK I am moving on from this lady.
Today I was there and it wasn't long after I was sitting down that she came walking by the door where I was she didn't look in but continued and I noticed she put her head down as she walked by and she knew I was there.
Hell the thing that gets me is if I have been friend zoned a friend wouldn't ignore a friend like that unless shes sending the message she doesn't want the friend yet and wants me to make a maove,
I really don't know now I feel like such a looser my whole frame is off now and I don't think I can even begin to subduce this lady if I tried.
I just left a short time later.
I am beating myhself up because I am the one that screwed this up if I have by not being more aggressive and letting her know I find her as a woman and very sexually appealing.
I am so bummed out..
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK that sounds good. I will.
Thanks again I hope I have't blown it.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (26 February 2010):
In my opinion, if she is giving you signals, take it and run with it. The friendship approach is only for you to use as a safe approach just in case she is not in the same frame of mind. So if she gives you strong signals then ditch the friendship approach and go for it.
Her attitude yesterday may have been other pressures on her mind that had nothing to do with you. But I must say, as a woman, if you have given a guy an opening (no pun intended) and he doesn't take it you end up writing him off. Women like guys who take control and say all the things that will move the relationship forward. If you are shy or reluctant and stop at body language/eye contact then she will lose interest very quickly. As much as we are all very 21st century, equal rights and all, we can still be very old fashioned when it comes to dating; while shy guys also get girls eventually, the confident go get 'em ones are more successful with getting the ones they like. We give you the right signals, if you don't take the opportunity you can get written off. Chances are that there are other guys making their move and if she is giving you a chance to step forward then you should just go for it. I know you are not desperate but she is saying the exact same thing to herself and will amuse herself with the other prospective date who she may have been stalling to give you first refusal (for lack of a better term). Say something to her soon!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually a woman who comes across as a know it all is sexy :-) but you weren't in the least coming across like that.
Apparently others have gone to sleep on this one and your kind and generous heart was there and appreciate that so much.
It got me to thinking if by accident I put her in the friend zone instead of her doing it to me what would a womans reaction be if she found me sexually attractive and I did that?
Actually our body langauge shows sexual attraction while she was sitting her legs were wide open and she was mirroring me as my legs were wide open too. Strong intense eye contact not breaking was also present.
Now it seems she is aloof wouldn't say avoiding me but she seems to want me to know she is mad because I was around and she walked by without looking my way but had a face that said I am mad while she walked by and I couldn't run her down or into her again after this to talk with her.
It's sorta was like a chase or something which can make for some good sexual tension and a bit of drama something I don't see friends doing to each other unless they want something more but this was yesterday and this was the first time I had seen her in about a week.
Any ideas from anyone would be appreciated.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (26 February 2010):
Oh goodness! Not in the least! That's what this site is for, being honest about how you are feeling so people can give accurate advice. I was hope all the others who get your follow ups would also give their opinions because I didn't want to sound like a 'know it all'!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I guess my last post came across as a jerk.
I really appreciate your insight as you are simular to this lady I like.
Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo rings on her fingers so I know shes not married but she has never hinted on a boyfriend.
When this all started from the beginning I had asked one of her co-worker about her to get a little info on her where I had asked that I am really digging her as I like her personality, her heart and attractiveness. But this co-worker didn't know much about her personal life but knew she had 3 kids. I told her to put a good word in for me.
I don' know if that was a deal breaker me doing that from the beginning and I am not sure if she did tell her but later it seemed the lady I care about started giving me more friendly eye contact and a beautiful wide big smile showing her teeth everytime I was around or when I would be talking to someone.
One time though I was talking to 2 other women in the area and she walked by and I smiled at her and she knew one of the ladies I was speaking to and she says to her that she wanted to go home maybe she was tired but the way she said it was in the way a little girl would do who is bad and wanted to go home.
When she said that I was a bit thrown and thought maybe she was showing that she really isn't interested in me or me even being there or I might have made her a bit jealous by talking with those other 2 ladies of whom I have no attraction for but if I made her jealous it wasn't my intention.
Maybe I should just disappear for awhile and see what happens or just forget her which it would kill me to do that.
I really appreciate all your information if a woman sense a man attracted to her I'd hope she would be patient and give it a chance being our ages.
I have no kids and single and have many options but my thoughts are on this lady with kids and I want her so bad but I don't need her and don't want to appear desperate at the same time.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (23 February 2010):
As a single mother with 3 kids, in excellent bikini shape and financially independent, I have had lots of men try to sleep with me without even really knowing me. I was celibate for 2 years and I didn't even care because when you get to a certain age as a woman, you don't do anything to please another person if you don't want to. When I met my boyfriend who is significantly older than me, not the usual type I date (I normally date conceited athletes; and my ex husband is an athlete too), he was kind, caring, didn't try to sleep with me immediately but things moved pretty quickly and now I'm engaged to him. What was different was that despite his age and all that would have been against him, he is attentive, funny, confident, decisive and brings a smile to my face. Ofcourse all women are different but all my single friends who are divorced and over 35 will only sleep with a guy because they want to and if a guy starts with the sex first approach we usually laugh at him over coffee. We've outgrown the dumb stage!!
About her not showing interest in you at all, give her time, perhaps in a very informal setting she might become more curious and ask stuff.
Finally, I wonder if you know whether or not she has a man?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes you can say balls lol!
Actually I don't talk to her on the phone nor text her in that way only when I drop by her work then I might have a few minutes with her then it's goodbye until maybe a few days later or so and I miss her during that time.
From the first time I met her it seemed like a spiritual experience or something I can't explain it. It is something I have never felt before with a woman and her having kids doesn't bother me actually she can have 20 kids and I would still feel this way...seriously.
She does make good money drives a top of the line expensive SUV so it's not like she is in the poor house and needs a man to rescue her just to get a better picture of the type of lady I am dealing with here.
Our conversations do get personal mainly on her part where she shares with me what has happened since I last talked etc., It does get emotional where she might tell me about a pet that died or her Mom is sick those types of things. This tells me she is comfortable with me and I have actually touched her a couple times lightly on her upper arm so she knows I can kino and touch her.
What concerns me is she has never asked me personal questions about me I usually throw something in the conversation about me once in awhile but only small bits like one time I told her I had a college degree nothing more as to remain a mystery.
I think it would kill me if I did get into the friends zone and what I mean is I have a strong sexual attraction and I do believe she does to toward me but I also want to be a friend but with the sex and this is what confuses me in subducing this lady.
I always felt when you have a woman with kids a man needs to be more a friend starting out then proceed to the bedroom I hope I am leading her in that direction even before the date with my compliments and remembering bits and pieces of our conversations plus she will be 42 and me 48 I am in great shape.
I always hear you have to bed a lady first then build the friendship after that but what if it's been awhile since you have been sexually active and feel a little rusty I just need time to get comfortable. As a man I know my part and thats to lead.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (22 February 2010):
Firstly, women absolutely thrive on attention. So if you remember tidbits from previous chats then that is a bonus. And women do get sexually interested in men who start off as friends. The key here is to move quickly from friendship zone; within the first month in my opinion. If you remain just friends for months then she may just see you as just that. I think if you are now able to at least call and/or text each other then you are sufficiently friends. Keep paying attention to what she says, you just might find your opportunity there. For example, if she mentions that she is looking for a specific plant and you happen to know where to get it, offer to take her there and you have yourself a date! But one thing, dont dither too long. Women generally find decisive confident men more attractive than those shy and unsure of themselves. I dont mean arrogance here, just enough balls (can I say balls here?!) to be rather brazen and say "let me take you to this show" or whatever. If you see any woman as out of your league then she will be. Borrowing a line from a recent movie, any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. Even if you get blown off eg. (I'm too busy), be bold enough to try again or laugh and say "why not, I won't bite, I'm tame!!" and let it roll off you. Come on, give it a go :-)!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to mention I have not been talking with her for six weeks straight as in everyday there have been times I didn't see her for 2 weeks sometimes other breaks in between those six weeks and only reasonly have been seeing her off an on to where I talk with her.
I also wanted to know the times I do talk with her I try and remember bits and pieces of the conversation for example.
She mentioned one time when I first met her she had hurt her knee while sking about 2 weeks later I spring the question on her and asked how her knee was in which she says it's better and shes ready to run again.
Me remembering these bits and pieces of the conversations with her does this put me in a good light. Also can a woman carry a strong sexual attraction for a man even though the relationship is friendly but may not be friend zoned in which case what really determines if you are in the friends zone with a woman in the first place?
I reckon you understand my reasoning and question here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK sounds good thanks I will keep that in mind.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (21 February 2010):
I would not give her a note expressing interest. Try talk to her; get her at a moment alone like you did when you complimented her blouse. The problem with expressing a romantic interest first before a friendly date is perhaps she doesn't see you the same way you see her YET. So if you suddenly out of the blue tell her you would like her to be your girlfriend whether through a note or in person, it can be shock so she will blow you off before she has even given you a chance. A date has anticipation and while she gets ready for it she will think about whether or not it could become more... So by the time you ask for more, she has acclimatized to the idea, do you know what I mean? Its like being a deep sea diver; you have to come up slowly to decompress and adjust to each level of pressure. Ok silly analogy I know, but the best way to be a success with a date is to decompress her through friendship first.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 You already knew her for 6 weeks. That is enough time to get warmth up to her.You have to take risk .
If you are scared of this or that, you will never progress to a higher level.She will detect your indecisiveness.
You need to find out where she stands otherwise you will be just wasting your time, unless you only want to be her friend.
Love is not for the feint hearted. You need to give her clear signals so that she won't be confused. Prepare for rejections and take it in your strides.
Get more involved with her and the kids.Find out her interest ,likes and dislikes. Send her flowers. Call her and inquire about her well being.
Relax,think of her as a friend when you are with her otherwise you will be too scared to say anything fearing saying the wrong words. Don't be too self conscious.
A single woman with three kids is a very heavy burden for her and she would want a partner to help her lighten her burdens.
She does not have much choice and would be glad to find a right man as quick as possible.
Make sure ,you know what you are getting into.
You might be interested to read this :-
http://laura1318.wordpress.com/2010/02/03/why-do-women-fall-for-those-total-morons-or-creeps/
Don't give her a note expressing your interest. It is better to say it to her face direct.
If she is interested in you , you can read her body signals.Pay rapt attentions to what she says. She could be hinting and you might miss it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is hard to get her alone has she is always busy and around people would giving her a note expressing my attraction to her would that be OK or should I just try and get her face to face and get the date?
I really don't want to blow it with this lady.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK thank you so much for the advice I will use it and see where it goes.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (20 February 2010):
I would NOT encourage you to indicate you want to be more than friends before you have had a chance to go on a date first. Women find it hard to be romantically interested in a guy they don't really know. They like to warm up to a guy. So if you indicate a romantic interest before she has gotten to know you, she might reject you. So on your date ("I know this great coffee place"), she would get to know about you, your interests etc. Then at the END of the date, you can tell her that you would like to see her again. The way you say that will let her know you are interested.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell she does seem to find time to talk with me but it might be maybe once a week or so and yes I am a man in love truly in love with this lady she is 11 years younger than me and early on I would find myself tongue tied when I would talk or go blank on what to say to her and was hard for me to relax and I am sure she detected that I just hope I didn't come off creepy or wierd.
She has the greatest personality I have ever encountered on a lady and to me she is the total package beautiful sexy and intelligent and I am sure a great and wonderful mother to her kids.
Is there anyone thing I could do next that would send the message that I want to be more then just a friend before I ask her out?
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (20 February 2010):
You should be asking yourself whether she knows that you are interested to be her b/f?
If you are interested in her, you should go for her jugular and not be like a friend to her.
Once , she decides that you are only in the friends category , she will have no romantic interest in you.
The longer you dilly dally , she will think you are not interested in her.
Some people accept compliments in that way. If she is not interested in you ,she would just nod her head and say nothing.
If she is interested in you , she will talk to you a lot .Whereas a man who falls in love becomes tongue tight.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (20 February 2010):
Yes, the compliment thing is hard for some women; I also used to do that. I would encourage you to ask her out on a date. Not 'may I take you out to lunch'; that's a weird way of asking. Maybe 'I know this great little café' or 'you need to taste the chocolate cake at this coffee place'. Add 100 points to your score if you offer to buy the kids pizza on the way to drop her back home. Ask a lot of questions about her and occasionally about the kids too. Some men who date women with kids never like to even mention them which is a red flag for some women because acting as though they don't exist implies that you will never be interested in more than sex and also that you might not accept them in future. My boyfriend was very smart about this; he knows my kids' interests and will send me a text asking about what they got for the big Geography test or whatever the issue is. Because of that, I am able to relax and be a great partner to him too because he cares about what I care about. Ofcourse for you this is early days yet... So try asking her on an informal date then take it from there.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 February 2010):
Women and compliments are like fire and water. They love compliments, but they find accepting them much harder. Just because a woman is told her blouse is pretty won't make her believe it. But don't stop trying. Continue to compliment her as you are. She won't accept them, but they will still make her feel good. In the meantime, invite her out and really get to know her more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Women can be bad at taking compliments, if someone says they have a pretty dress etc instead of saying think you, they say oh this old thing. I used to do it myself, but now I make a real effort to smile and say thank you.
No I don't think her not saying thank you for the compliment is a way of her saying she is not interested.
You have been talking to her for six weeks now, I would invite her out for a coffee and see what she says.
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