A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really confused as to what I should do? Me and my partner met 3 years ago and were dating for about 1 and a half years then became exclusive. We have been living together for just over a year. It has been difficult at times as he has been away a lot because of his job so we didnt see each other for 6 months. When he came back he went on holiday and i know for a fact he cheated on me, even though he says he didnt, he is e-mailing the girl he slept with, i dont know whats in the e-mails but i have saw words like sexy and i miss you in them! He said he was just being nice. I believe this has happened before though I cant prove it, but he has text other girls and used facebook to contact girls also. I'm really confused because we planned our lives together and we were really good, and really in love, (i am now pregnant with his child). But now it's even worse, I have tried to let it go and carry on as normal, but now he has started to become really negative and moody and critisises everything i do, we have been arguing a lot lately and it's really making me doubt our relationship. I dont want to end it, I want to try and make it work for all our sakes but I want him to understand I won't take his behavior any more! What do I do? Please help!
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female
reader, Ribena +, writes (21 May 2009):
Hello, from what you are saying it seems his attention have shifted from what’s important, like you and the unborn baby. I would advice you to sit down with him and calmly ask him what is really going on because you do not want your child to be born with what is going on around you. Also let him know that you know what he is up to by keeping your cool. I would advice that you do not raise your voice over him but give him the chance to explain him self and then you can really tell if he has been keeping the truth from you. And please do not stress your self and concentrate more on keeping your self healthy for the baby.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 May 2009):
You have to tell him that if he carries on like this then you are taking the baby and going.
But the thing is that you have to mean it.
He's cheated on you and treated you badly and you'd just sat there and taken it. Why should he believe that you are going to leave now when you need him to support you and the child?
Tell him you are not happy and are thinking of leaving. If he doesn't get better though then you have to actually go. You can't stay and put up with this for ever.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 If you think there is a chance that you want to stay with this man you both need some counseling. It might not help, it might. What you need to do ( before trying counseling) is sit down and tell him how it has made you feel. What you expect from him. Where your limits are. Then he needs to fess up. He need to be a man about this and either WORK his ass off to make it work, or leave. The fact that you have let him "get away" with it before might make him believe that it's "ok" for him to do. You might have to be really firm about this.
The fact that he is flirting/cheating on you while you are pregnant is not a good sign. The fact that he is being decietful isn't a good sign either.
He is doing something called "projecting" he is making you feel bad because he feels bad for doing what he did to you, what he is still doing. But by projecting it onto you he makes you feel like it is your fault. He wants YOU to be the bad guy and end the relationship. That is what I think.
He might be freaking out that he is to be a dad. Who knows? Since the two of you don't really communicate well.
When you do sit down you need to be very calm.
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