A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Firstly i am 29 yrs old.I have been talking to a guy online who is widowed and has a younge child, we have been chatting for about 2 weeks now. He wants to meet up and keeps telling me how much he thinks of me and im just not interested. How do i let him down gently as he wants to meet up this weekend.I have tried to keep things at a friendly chatting level, but he is really starting to scare me with the things he says! I dont want to be rude to him, i just dont know how to tell him im not interested on the same level as he is. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 I know it's hard to blunt sometimes but perhaps you will have to be, using a bit of tact of course. Let him know that you appreciate your friendship but you aren't ready to be involved any further than that. Don't mislead him by not telling him. When you let him know that's how you feel he will have to come to conclusions upon his own accord. Make sure that he knows you see him as a good chat friend.
If he's scaring you with his actions then you need to be aware that he may only have the need to be with someon. However it's possible that he could become too close to you and see things differently than you do. Being online may be his only way of making that happen in his life for now. It's hard to know what a person really means when they say anything thru messages or emails, etc. It doesn't always give you the correct impression or perception of the person as you can't see their facial expressions or read their body language thru words alone. Even if you use a video chat or cam chat it's still possible that you won't really know the person. Getting to know someone in person is easier in some ways.
Be careful of meeting someone in person from a chat line or messenger service. Make sure you don't allow them to have your entire Name, phone number, address, or other important information about you unless you know them really well and that takes time. Even then procede with great caution. If this guy is pressuring you then let him know immediately that you won't stand for it, still using a bit of tact but being cautious the same.
Let him talk to you if all other things are ok but NEVER let him PUSH you to do anything! Most of the time if someone is PUSHING too hard it means they are generally up to NO GOOD! Sometimes however it might mean that they are just TOO EAGER. At any rate you are pretty certain that you don't want to have a relationship with this guy so it's best to wean him off your time and attention. Something you should consider though is the fact that even if you aren't interested now you may be in the future so it's best to be careful how you leave things with him.
I hope he's not doing anything that seems way strange or phsyco if so you need to cut and run! This would be to delete him, block him and let him find someone else to chase after. If this isn't the problem and he's a pretty nice/good guy then it's no harm in being a casual friend. Just make sure that he knows where you stand and using tact you can let him know without being downright rude.
If you don't feel the same as he does at all then you really should tell him. Otherwise he will be lead to believe that things are ok with the friendship and may think that's it's really headed somewhere. What you say now and how you handle this online relationship will affect your life forever so have fun but be safe. Never give more than you are truely willing to. Never give in to something you don't feel. Take your time in meeting anyone in person and NEVER MEET THEM ALONE!
Sometimes if a person is trying to get with you and they are expressing too much too soon, etc....it's possible that they will stalk you, even if it's only online. I repeat again, USE CAUTION, HAVE FUN and BE SAFE!
My best to you and GODSPEED!
In the end if he's still comming on way too strong and you just can't get him to stop then you may still have to stand up and BE BLUNT, or EVEN RUDE to get the point accross.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Don't be afraid to be rude. Being firm and consistent should get the point across. If it doesn't, then listen to your intuition which is telling you to be scared. Do not feel guilty if you think you are offending him. Why do I say that? Because he's not feeling guilty for pressuring you when you've clearly said 'no.'
But wait! You have clearly said 'no', haven't you? If not, you have to do it now. You can be polite about it, but be firm and do not feel the slightest bit guilty or worry about it.
"Hi, while I have enjoyed our chats, I have to make it clear that I do not want to take this any further. I am not going to meet you in real life. I am not interested in you in that way. I wish you well in your search for a girlfriend."
You may lose him as a friend, but you've only known him 2 weeks. I know it's programmed into us women to be nice all the time, and not hurt anyone's feelings. But you know what? Sometimes, it happens. No way around it, and it's not worth worrying so much about it. You cannot control his feelings, they are his. But you can control your words and actions, so be firm, polite and consistent, and you'll have no reason to feel guilt.
Good luck.
*mentally sending you some extra toughness*
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): Just be honest with him.
Tell him youre happy to keep it "on-line" - but dont feel comfortable with meeting up.
If he keeps on, just stop the contact :-)
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