A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23 year old female virgin that has been seeing a 30 year old guy for about 3 weeks. We have been on 4 dates so far and he made it clear that he wished to come home with me after the last one. I feel guilty turning him down, yet need a little more time to get to know him before jumping into bed. How is the best way to break the news that I’ve never done anything more than make out, let alone have sex? I don’t want him running away when I tell… but I’m sure he’s starting to feel rejected. Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (17 February 2009):
wow...thank god you didn't do it with him. kind of obvious what he was after. he probably would have dumped you after you had sex. thank your lucky stars you never slept with him!
the right guy will come along eventually. just be patient and you should be so proud of yourself for not sleeping with that jerk!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): you're a good person and so you were lucky :)
i think that its very smart u were patient and tested him. u would want ur first time to b memorable.. in a good way!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell. Thanks for all the help, but it did not work out. He finally ran out of patience, and while was okay with my lack of experience, couldn't deal with not getting any for a while.
Such a shame too. He made it clear it was either sex now, or he would leave. Once that was said that, there was no way. No matter how much I wanted to. Ugh. Maybe next time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Ok, I'm a 39 year old male. Personally I would want to know if I were in his shoes. I've never been with a virgin but if I were going to I make damn sure that it was very very special. I think there would be a tremendous responsability on my ( or any guy) part to take the time to make it a pleasant and special time.
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female
reader, divine_kiss  +, writes (9 February 2009):
girlfriend, i just wish you luck and all the best. peeps in here have given you good advice, and hope things work out for you, but let me share this with you, not to discourage you though..ok? just be positive.
there's this guy i was going out with, he was a nice guy, but he was too pressing about sex!!! i always found ways of changing the subject because i wasnt ready to give myself to him after only 3 months of hanging out, you get me. anyway, one time he conered me, and i had to tell him that i was a virgin. which is true! he was shocked!!! he couldnt believe a girl of 25 could stll be a virgin ! he told me in his eyes i had somehow diminished. that to me, he felt like he was relating with a young girl! just because i had never had sex. it hurt me so much that he said this, that i dumped him... obviously he wasnt in for virgins..... you get what i mean? you never know how men will react to such a situation, but be positive, and let your heart lead you my dear.... cheers!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): I'm in exactly the same situation, and have tried and tried to tell him, so when I resolve this, I'll let you know how I managed it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): OK i see no guys have posted here, so i'll answer from a guys perspective.BE HONEST, it is totally the best way to go, its who you are and something you should be proud off *thumbs up* i cant predict how he will react to this, to be honest some guys will love it, some wont, some wont care.The guys who love it or just dont care are right for you the guys who dont love it aren't so just be honest and be yourself!Dont worry about how he reacts.How will you react if he tells you his sexual past, chances are he could have quite a lot of sexual partners, which isnt a bad thing either BTW!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): I doubt he will run away. Most guys like virgins. But dont let him use you for your virginity. If your not ready just simply tell him. If he really likes you he will wait.
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (7 February 2009):
well next time you get a little close to him, such as making out,etc just tell him that you have never taken things to the last stage and that he may be the one who you want to do that with, but you're just not 100% ready yet. or just bring it up when he says about sex. if you feel like he cares for you and you care for him, then go for it. what's stopping you? of course if you have only been with him for a little while, i understand, but sometimes the longer you leave it the harder it will be. just make sure that the moment is right and you feel ready for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt’s not that I’m desperate to sleep with him yet (well, I am. I just wont be doing that for a while) but that I was hoping someone had advice on when and how to bring up the subject of my inexperience in conversation. I know that it must be torture for him thinking that I don’t care enough to be physically intimate. Its not like I have religious reasons or anything for still being a virgin, just that until last week no one had ever asked me. Thoughts?
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A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (7 February 2009):
Good for you! I think its awesome when people our age still hold their V card!
If he wants to do something that you aren't comfortable with just tell him hey I'm sorry but I'm a virgin and just not ready. If he freaks and runs then that shows you exactly who he is!
Now if he says its ok and we will go as slow as you need to, then he is definitely a keeper!
You do what you want when you are ready!
And like one of the other ladies said, 3 weeks is a little fast for stuff like that! Make an emotional connection and your first time will rock and you will remember it as being good.
My husband always tells me how much more he respected me for not just jumping on him the first night. Play hard to get and then you know he will remember you forever too!
Good luck and a cheesy you go girl for still being a virgin! That's awesome!lol!
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (7 February 2009):
if you don't want to have sex with him yet or at all, then simply tell him that you are a virgin and you are not ready for that yet. it's best to be honest.
when i was 17 i had a bf who thought that the reason i didn't want sex was because it was something to do with the way he looked or something, so i was honest and just said "i'm a virgin and i don't want to rush into anything" as soon as i told him he was great, he relaxed about it and didn't pressure me about it. i never did sleep with him, by the bf after him was my first. but it does pay off to be honest.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 February 2009):
I don't think you have to tell him that you are a virgin.
But you can tell him that you are a little bit inexperienced and that you want to take things slowly and build up to sex.
If he knows you want it to be special and mean something then he should be happy and willing to wait. If he's not then he is not worth giving your virginity to.
Keep strong and just explain that sex means a lot to you. It'll all be fine.
Good Luck!! xx
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