A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My girlfriend and I are both in our early 20s. We have been dating for over a year and we love each other very much. There is one small issue. She has been gaining a few pounds and doesn't seem to be that concerned about it. She doesn't do any sort of aerobics or work out to try to stay in shape. I don't want to sound like an a-hole because I love her a lot, but is there any nice way to go about suggesting that she starts trying to lose some weight?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, all. Your points have been very helpful.
One monkey wrench exists that I forgot to mention, however. We live about an hour apart and only get to see each other once a week. So working out together is out of the question.
There seems to be no real answer in this case, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, so it ain't worth even bringing up.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 June 2007):
There is nothing wrong in wanting your girlfriend to stay fit and in shape. But the thing is people often take it the wrong way and assume you think shes fat ugly, therefore you are seen as a shallow person. But this isnt always the case. One of the main reasons why people should stya in shape and loose weight is t be healthy, not to look good. So you could remind your gf that you tink she is beautiful but say for the sake of her health she should so some more regular exercise and exercising not only to loose some weight but to keep her heart and so on fit!
Perhaps suggest you both start working out together, to make it not seem like shes the only one who has to do it because there is something 'wrong with her'.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): Talk to her straight about it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): If I were in your position, I'd probably suggest we took up something like jogging or going to the gym together, something physical that would get us both more healthy and toned up. It will work far better than "I love you but... those few pounds have got to go, girlfriend" :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): hi mate, thats a tough one.girls NEVER like to hear they are gaining weight. Try susgesting you start dance lessons together or swimming(if shes happy wearing a swimming costume)or cycling,anything so long as its active.She should get the hint without you having to say anything and if you do it together she wont be to offended. also when you go shopping buy the healthier options,fruit and veg low fat milk etc. hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): I totally agree! There is no nice way. She could end up resenting you and hating her own body. And women never forget! Ten years from now she could be bringing up that time you suggested she was a porker. Do you know why she put on weight? Has she gone on the pill or has her lifestyle changed in any way?When you say "a few pounds" is it a few? Isn't it kind of shallow to have an issue over a few pounds? If you really love her you need to accept her too.If it is a lot of weight, maybe you can do more active things together, go on hikes, bike riding, etc. and make an effort to eat healthy and keep healthy food at your place because YOU want to be healthy.If she asks you if you've noticed she's gained weight, simply say "Yes, I think you might have put on a little bit, but you're always beautiful to me. I just want you to be healthy - why do you think you've gained A COUPLE of pounds?" Repeat this sentence a hundred times until you have it memorized!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2007): Hi love,
You dont say how much weight she has gained not that it matters only if her health is at risk... and she probably realises anyway, i understand some men like curvy women some like bigger and some like slim is it your preference you are concerned about or are you concerned for her well being... people dont think twice when they tell someone goodness you've lost weight but it isnt also nice to be told your putting to much on, so there is no way to tell her. she must be content with the way she is if she hasnt mentioned it i would have thought, im not sure if she has a problem with it or you do love what size are we talking here? get back to me if you want to talk if you are worried ok TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (29 June 2007):
 =o! There isnt a nice way of saying 'lose weight'... to a woman thats extremely offensive, and self esteem wont be boosted either. You say you love her, so what if she gains a few pounds? Like Beckto said, if your that bothered about it, suggest both going to the gym and doing some exercise.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (29 June 2007):
 Like Beckto said there is never a "right" way to tell her. Why dont you say you wanna do some running together or perhaps join a fitness club together. Or start cooking yourself and make healthier meals.Be careful as if she finds out what your doing she will be very offended
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (29 June 2007):
 In a word: no. There is no nice way to suggest that she needs to lose weight. Chances are that she knows she's been gaining, and she also feels that she wants to lose it. But, she may not be at that point in her life yet. If she ever asks you about her weight issue, or whatever, you can tactfully suggest that you BOTH start working out some. Other than that, watch what you say, or you may alienate yourself from her.
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