A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 17 and iv been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have been having regular sex. my mum already knows that im not a virgin, as the boy i slept with his mum told my mum, my mum was really upset and disapointed in me. now im with someone that i am in love with, but every time i drop hints to my mum about having sex she always looks on the negative side of it, saying how iv got plenty of time for that, and how she dosent want me to do it under her roof (but were dose she expect us to do it in a feild?), but everything she says is always bad, and it puts me off telling her, also my mum is quite nosey she will want to know all the details, where when,was it good etc,and she wont let it go, i really want to tell my mum i really do just incase i become pregnant, becuase it will be harder to tell my mum im pregnant when she thinks im not having sex then telling her that im thinking about having sex. i will be ever so greatful if someone could give me some ideas on what to do, i love my mum so much but i dont want her to be disapointed in me again, its really hard to tell my mum things speshally about sex, any ideas on how to tell her??thankyou x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, frenchii +, writes (28 December 2009):
hiyaa my name is charlie ask your mum can you have the implanon or start taking the pill then she will know your either having sex or thinking about it im haveing the implanon soon and im only 13 but its better to be safe than sorry..
goodluck babe
hope she doesnt get mad at you.
atleast if you get pregnant you would have told her you were doing it..x
..xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Why did u have sex in the first place? This is what i never told a human being ever....... always think what is going to happen if you do that, like stealing you will get caught by the police and haveing sex and haveing 3 children trust me you wont be able to live with 3 children i have 21 friends that have 2 brothers or two sisters and one brother, but they all said i wish i lived with myself and 1 more person. My cousons r a 3 they r the most enoying, but when the last 1 was not alive it was always peaceful, thats what everyone inb the whole world says.
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 You know, she probably already suspects that you're having sex. If she knows you're not a virgin and she knows that you've been with your boyfriend for a year and a half, she's probably guessed the rest. Personally, I'd rather keep my mother out of my sex life. She knows I probably have sex, I know she probably does too... but it's not the kind of thing we really need to share with each other.
It worries me that you're talking about "in case you get pregnant". Part of a mature sexual relationship is responsibility, and at seventeen I doubt you're planning a family... you still have the best part of your youth ahead of you. Contraception, contraception, contraception!
As long as your mother knows that you're healthy, happy and responsible, she shouldn't worry too much about the rest.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 March 2008):
 I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time with this. It's really hard for you, and also hard for your mum, I think, because she just wants to protect you. She must know, though, that if you've had sex once, and now you're with a guy you really love, that there's a very strong chance you're having sex. She knows in her heart of hearts, but doesn't want to accept it - but that doesn't make it easy for you.
I think maybe the best thing would be for you to write her a letter about how you feel. Tell her that you're scared to talk to her about it, and tell her how much you love her and want to be able to be open with her. And tell her about how you don't want to disappoint her, but that you love your boyfriend and it feels right. Basically, tell her what you've told us here. I think in a letter you'll get chance to lay it out clearly, without getting upset, or without your mum interrupting : ) Then see what she says. Maybe leave the letter for her when you're going to be out for a while, so she can read it and think about it. I know you'll probably feel a bit nervous about it, but at least it means you can have your say before you discuss it with your Mum.
I sense you don't want to keep it from her, which means you usually must have a really good, loving relationship and feel you can talk to her. She just needs a nudge to realise that she needs to change how she's thinking about this a bit, and understand that you're a young adult now. It's really hard to do - I know, I am a mum too! Good luck, though. I'm sure you'll get there. And rememember you won't be this young forever - one day you'll be 35 and have been having sex for years and it won't seem such a big deal : )
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Good advice from 'maid_Marian_vetbabe', leaving a hint somewhere around your room could work quite well.
But if you'd rather take a face-to-face approach, with a proper conversation, then there's plenty of things you could start it with. "Could I talk to you? I just want to share some stuff with you" or "You know we can talk about anything? Well, you know, I've been going out with ___ for what seems like ages now, and I'm in love with him. We..." But whatever you do, be mature about it. As you said, she'll take it easier if she knows you're being safe and sensible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): Hey hun! I know what your going through, its always weird and hard talking to mums about sex.
What I did was "accidentally" left my pills on the table by my bed, knowing she would see them, then let her bring it up. When she did, i jsut explained that I felt ready, and see, I was being responsible and taking precautions and both me and my BF were fully STD teested and negative so it was ok to be using te pill without condoms!
My mom was ok wiht it because I was being really mature about it, and she figured I was ready if I was being that careful!
Anyways, its always going to be akward, and if you really think she might react badly, try saying you are thinking about having sex soon, and can you two talk about it or something like that!
Hope this helps, you can message me if you wanna caht about this more!! :-D
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