A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I saw that you gave some great advice to a a girl a while back I believe about getting fingered and I didn't know if you could help me out. I am 19 as well as my boyfriend. The other day for the first time he fingered me. I was sitting up because we could not just lay out comfortably. It kinda hurt and burned which I'm guessing was because of the friction. Could that also have to do with how I was sitting and because I was nervous? Also, he just was putting his finger up there which and was moving kinda fast which was okay but I was not getting a lot out of it. You mentioned about rubbing and everything. But, how am I suppose to tell him to do that while it is happening without making it awkward? The other night he asked me if there was anything he could do to make it feel better and I'm sure that would just make me feel like something crazy. I just don't want him to feel uncomfortable or think that he is not good enough. What could I say to him? I hope you can help me out because I am still a virgin and I just want this awkward act to be worth it. :)Thanks a lot.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 May 2010):
 He asked you if there was anything he could do to make it better, believe me, he will NOT be upset if you guide him, he WANTS you to. Everyone else gave great advice. Tell him what you like, even help him. He won't be offended, and if he is, then he's a jerk.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Ahh, your guy gets points for asking you how to be better. That's good! Listen, don't worry about whether it'll bother him that you don't like the way he did it to you. You'll be doing him a favor by being very specific about what's comfortable and not.
I also recommend to you to explore yourself. The best guide and teacher of a man is someone who knows their own body backwards and forwards. Then you will be able to guide him because you will know how it works. Guys have that totally down because they've spent time knowing what works for themselves.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Hey,
If it's his first time fingering a girl, coming from a guy, he doesnt know what he's doing! Experimentation should be first for the both of you so talk to him about that. But say something along the lines of "Hey, I want to learn how to please you sexually" and more than likely he'll ask to do the same. Dont just slam him and say you're doing it wrong because he'll hate that. Instead teach him while he's doing it and tell him what you like (the come hither motion). It it's to hard just look at him sexily and tell him softer.
Hope this helped!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Hi honey
I'm that girl who enjoyed being fingered but wasn't ready for it. I did eventually decide that I was ready for it and I let him do it. I won't lie: I didn't orgasm and it wasn't great but being with him like that...
What I did was I was concerned about the friction so I went and bought some lube first. He wasn't offended (granted though some guys might take offense) and it was kinda fun 'cause we bought the lube together.
I think he actually enjoyed the process of putting it on. We use baby oil on him, so I think its fair to expect that he would have to lube me up.
Secondly, you need to be super relaxed. As everyone told me: if you aren't relaxed you won't enjoy it, if you aren't ready for it, you won't enjoy it.
Get him to get you in the mood by kissing and feeling you up all over, teasing generally gets girls really wet. Find what gets you wet and use it to your advantage.
Wetness = no friction. No friction = less/no pain. :)
Make sure his hands are clean!! And he doesn't have any jagged edges on his nails.
There's loads of great websites on the net to help out with the pain.
As for him maybe not being so good at it? I sent my boyfriend a text asking if I could email him some tricks because he seemed disappointed that he didn't make me come.
He said yes and I sent him a super sweet email, singing his praises and offering some tips. I included my opinion and extracts from websites. He didn't seem too offended, but SOME guys might be. Approach it carefully and be super careful.
www.askmen.com is a great reasource. (I may not be hugely experienced but I do my research!)
Here are some other websites that offer pretty cool tips for guys with girls and sometimes girls with guys ;) look under titles like "Dating and Sex" - sometimes its under there even though it is really foreplay :)
www.menshealth.com
www.buzzle.com
ezinearticles.com/
www.thesage-speaks.com
www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-ways-to-get-physical-with-a-woman_5.html
www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/136c_love_secrets.html
www.intimatemedicine.com
Google this kind of stuff too... e.g. "How to turn her on" "How to talk to him"
It generally brings up interesting stuff and the more you know the better!! You don't have to do everything you know, but the more you know the better a position you are to decide, reasonably, what you do and do not want to do. :)
If you want to chat to me personally about the experience, give some feedback that you'd like to do so, and I'll post my screen name here for you ;)
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (26 May 2010):
 You could try to find out what makes you feel good and then tell him to do that. I don't know if you masturbate or not. If you do, that's what you tell him to do, to do what you do. If you can't tell him, show him.
If you don't know, start finding out. He can't read your mind and he can't feel your body. If you both have no idea, it can be a little frustrating but fun too as long as you take it from the point of view of finding out.
If too fast was not good for you, tell him to do it slower. If the rubbing is too hard, tell him to do it softer.
Things work a LOT better when you're relaxed, so take more time to kiss or whatever. If you're nervous, it's going to hurt b/c you're tensed up. Tell him to take it slow.
I hope that helps.
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