A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's parents are in deep financial trouble. They are about to lose their house because they cannot pay their mortgage and I think they are spending frivolously. They have a practically brand new car that belongs to his mom that just sits in the driveway most of the time because she doesn't have a job. They have about three laptops, flat screen tvs and his dad just bought a boat which he has now put $1000 into fixing it up. What his parents do with their money is their own business, however it worries me that my boyfriend sees nothing wrong with their behavior. It scares me that he might behave the same way with money later on. He says his dad deserves something nice (the boat) because he works so hard... and yes, his dad works very hard but I've always been taught by my parents that when times are tough you cut back on everything you can! How can I talk about this sensitive issue with my boyfriend without him feeling like I'm insulting or looking down upon his parents?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (29 June 2008):
You have give them enough rope to hang themselves, unfortunately.
When the bailiffs come and take the boat and the laptops and TVs and car, then perhaps he will see that their way is not the best way.
As for yourself. Just tell him that you never want to be in debt and have decided to always save up for things rather than getting credit. Keep a separate account from him and get all your household bills to come out of a joint account that you both put money into.
That way, his credit problems are his own and he can't spend money he hasn't got.
I don't think you can talk about it with him until his parents have had a scare so he sees you are just trying to avoid that, rather than attacking them.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): I don't think this is the type of thing you can sit down and have a serious conversation about. Second of all, he will feel like you are putting his family down. I think this is a situation that requires no words. In this case, the best way to influence him is through your actions. If he hangs out with you enough, he will see how you spend your own money and he will see your own opinions and trends when it comes to spending. A guy who loves you and wants to impress you will adopt alot of your own trends and opinions about stuff. That's how men are. They'll watch movies that you like to watch. Go to the restaurants that you like. If they know that you are frugal about certain things they will be frugal too. They don't want to upset you and they want to make you happy. They'll just do things that you like and that go within your values. If you don't feel that this is the case with him, then its not his spendthrift background that is the problem. In that case, it just means he is a selfish guy. He does what he wants and what he likes regardless of how you feel or want. That is a character trait that you can't change. And you have to decide if you can live with it or not.But if you don't feel that he is selfish at all, and he is always trying to make you happy, then quit worrying. If he loves you and he is not selfish, you will keep rubbing off on him. You'll keep showing him who you are and he will keep trying to please you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): Well to be honest I understand exactly what you are talking about it does seem really daft that they are blowing money away like that when they are in deep financial trouble. But I would not express your opinion to your boyfriend cos its not really your place to and he might take it as a big insult.
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