A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I have a question. I just got out of a relationship with my boyfriend about a month ago. I was really depressed, and then I started talking to my ex bfs, friends little brother. Ive never been with a younger guy hes 18 Im 22.....or a guy who is bisexual. I like him a lot as a person, and we were talking about how long its been since we have had sex. Its been quite a while for both of us. And we decided to give the friends with benefits thing a try. So I spent the last two nights with him, the first night I was drunk and we just cuddled he didnt wanna sleep with me while I was intoxicated which made me feel good. But Last night we were both sober. And started off, cuddling and it didnt take me long to realize that we are VERY much alike in bed. Nether one of us are very dominate. And both guys I have been with have taken charge. And he isnt like that at all Ive always wanted to take charge but when I got the chance it made me so nervous I ended up sitting over him and rubbing his neck, and head for about 30 minutes and he was really relaxed. I tried getting him to take charge I put his hands on my chest he liked that and was into it. But it made me sooo damn nervous I wasnt sure what to do and I told him...I have never had a guy that didnt take charge and he just smiled at me and said you do now....So yea I ended up rubbing his neck and head till he feel asleep. I was wondering if anyone can give me so advise on how to take charge..Please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): oh, this is easy! If you start kissing in the living room, get up and gently pull him to the bedroom by his hands. Or playfully push him down on the bad and strip in front of him before climbing on top of him. During sex pin his hands behind his head an kiss on his kneck. Even just a few instructions show that you know what you want, and enable him to sort of take charge by performing the actions on you. Just dont bark orders though! Say "Oh my god, can't I hide any of my hot spots from you?" or something.. Giving him oral is also taking charge because he is just there taking whatever you give him.Just don't do all of these type of things at once because then you seem like a dominatrix! lol He probably isnt taking much control because he is nervous. When he kisses a spot that you like moan and kinda make a show. That way he knows where and how and what you like. That'll build his confidence in the bedroom! That goes for you too. Badass hot chicks know they are hot, so show him!
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Ya know, .. I think it is more a feeling (and running with it) than a deliberate mental choice. Along with that it is about total comfort, total desire, total loss of inhibition, ... not a stage performance.
If you are just naturally submissive, then that is part of your character. Same with him. Nothing wrong with that, .. all sorts make the world go around.
This is not to say you can't gel together on an equal level, but I don't think either of you can expect the other to automatically assume a profoundly dominant role that is against both of your natures.
That said, I am more dominant than my man, but the longer together, the more comfortable he feels in just doing things or expressing a desire to do things, ... so it is a kinda coming out of his shell thing. (He had been badly critisized for many years by his ex as a pervert, weirdo, queer,etc, ... so he reigns himself in on things that totally would fly with me coz I am not as sexually repressd as his ex)
It is like undoing damage and freeing the inner beasty man lol - but it is a progression. Sometimes he is total deviate, and I know that side is in him, it is just a matter of him being comfy enough to let it out all the time without fear of judgement, ..and as said, ...over time more and more is revealed right along side him growing more confident that he wont be getting any criticism from me.
So maybe you guys just need time to build trust, comfort, connection, etc, before you cant throw all reservations to the wind.
Have fun working towards getting there.
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