A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have an ex from over 16 months ago, who I found was seeing someone else from where we work.I walked away no trouble very hurt, wishing her well since that time I have tried to achieve a friendship or normality and she has simply been very determined it seems not to allow a level or normality between us even after such a long time.Since Christmas I decided I have tried to be right normal however you want to say it but I thought time to forget it. I had heard they had been problems between them, she even suggested to me at one point I had caused them.From the time I decided to neutral with her, I got the opinion she was trying to get my attention, I first I thought maybe it was me but then other people could see it and said. In particular she seemed to be very jealous of the female colleague I work with, the now she is over friendly with her. She now always was in our office for a time she never was. This has gone on over the last two months.However the last fortnight she has been lying low, then there is a rumour she is back with the other guy.My question is this was she trying to draw me back into her world at the time when she was getting no attention ? and how ultimately do I behave towards her without coming across immature but trying to get over the message that your behaviour is unfair and I don’t want to be involved in these games anymore I just cant seem to get it right ??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): hi, i think you posted this situation before if i remember correctly. this person has been toying with your emotions for so long. she seems to move in the office environment meaning from one colleague to another. its best just to try to ignore her. it may sound harsh but by you trying to rationailse everything about her , she just takes takes takes from you. your life is important. you are important. by continuously being in her environment you are just wasting your precious energy and robbing yourself from moving on. yes, you need to move on. now. this woman has userped everything thus far, now no more
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): Hello,
Initially you dealt with this situation in a very mature way. You walked away when you found out she cheated and without causing any trouble.
However, you decided to be friends with her. Big mistake. Like the previous poster said, cut off all ties with her. If youhave to see her at work then only talk to her about work related topics.
Of course she was only trying to get your attention during a time when she did not have a man in her life. As soon as she got back with her boyfriend, she started to 'lay low'. Did not need you for the attention.
You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. Listen to your gut instinct and do not get drawn into this drama.
Walk away and do not bother with her or her attention seeking ways.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Jesus what a conundrum!
You have to work with this piece of trash?
Yeah of course she is trying to get your attention. Once she cheated on you, you walked away, not allowing yourself to put up with it (or so you thought).
Your mere proximity to her breeds contempt in her towards you. Because you have tried to take the high road her ultimate thoughts of really sticking it to you have gone awry. She is playing games with you again. And she has stepped it up a notch. And she is winning...DONT LET THIS SKANK WIN!
My advice (since you work at the same place) would be to get another job and cut this abcess. However, with the economy in shambles, that is easier said than done.
In Lieu of that, unless you have to talk to her on a work related issue, then don't. And do not let your friends keep giving you updates about her. That only fuels the fire and you can;t move foprward, only tread water like that.
It seems a little bit that you still have some feelings for her. But look at it objectively.She already cheated on you, be happy she is someone else's problem.
Oh and by the way, make sure your superiors at work are fully informed about what is going on, and document, document, document. She is harassing you by proxy, and if it gets to bad, get her ass fired!
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